Friday, January 12, 2007

I have been bad, but I will be confessing

I hope you think my badness is justified. I have had a sore shoulder for a few days now and, although I broke the shoulder about 10 years ago so it is occasionally sore, I had a nagging “ectopic” going round in the back of my mind as it wasn’t quite my regular pain. My period is probably due this evening, maybe tomorrow, so this morning I sneaked a Clearblue test and got a faint positive. Not light-of-a-thousand-suns faint, but fainter than the control line. I was actually thinking of heading straight for A&E but as I had to go to the GP anyway I looked pathetic at the nurse and she squeezed me in with a different GP to my regular one (who, er, said we should wait this month after a booster jab on CD2. I ask you – CD2?? With something that isn’t actually contraindicated in pregnancy?).

I’m trying really, really hard to steel myself for this being a chemical (and I will try my damndest to count it chemical if it’s less than about 4w4d). So please, no congratulations. I didn’t want to test this early, and I actually didn’t think I had any regular Clearblue left – I thought I’d stocked up on digital for that exact reason. If I have a late period and don’t know I’m pregnant, I needn’t tell Mr. Spouse I am (I’ll tell him it’s late, but I don’t need to tell him any symptoms). And if I only have digital tests in the house there’s no point in doing one early as they are pretty insensitive. Similarly if I just have a late period I don’t need to tell the adoption agency.

Anyway the plan is to panic a lot over the weekend, possibly presenting this episode to Mr. Spouse as another “trying to be positive” test (that’s what no. 2 was like and we were a little sad but coped fine when I bled at 4w5d) or possibly not telling him at all till Monday if I haven’t bled before then. Then (not sure I can look beyond 4w3d at this point, let alone to the adoption preparation course early next month) I’d have to ring the hospital and get booked in for a scan. If I haven’t bled before the scan, I think that would be the time to ring the agency. It’s a bit of an emotional risk, I think, rather than a medical one – could I cope with going to the preparation course if I’m only 2 weeks past a miscarriage? Judging by my last one, I’ll be really keen to move on, and I probably will be able to.

And the GP? Apparently I’d be in full-on cramping agony if I’d been having shoulder pain for a few days as my abdomen would be full of blood. So at least, so far, I can rule that out.

3 comments:

DD said...

The weekend is certainly going to be a long one for several ladies. I can only hope your's is "uneventful" enough to be eventful.

Don't wait another two weeks to update, please.

perceval said...

Before I conceived our DD, the thought of adoption kept me going. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you ...

geepeemum said...

Just to say that I'm thinking of you and do let us know how things are going...