Wednesday, June 24, 2009


Have outdone Mr. Spouse and broken arm in similar bike incident - but with ambulance, and mention of surgery, and signed off for 6 weeks. Cannot really type.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Do not disturb

Yes, I am in a hole. No, I do not particularly want rescuing.

Phone call on Friday from agency. DCSF have got back to them and will not be prepared to issue a certificate of eligibility - not entirely clear whether they would be prepared to if we were telling them we'd be going through a Hague adoption from the US, or whether they'd put conditions on it if so, or how they would know what the US agency had done. Also not at all clear why this is at odds with what our reputedly kick-ass solicitor has said. Rang KAS immediately but she may be KA but is rubbish at responding so have not heard back yet.

I think I'm not so much despairing that this may not be possible for us, as either a) in denial or b) just depressed that once again things are more complicated and slower than they need be.

One good thing, I suppose, is that Mr. Spouse has not immediately said "well, let's just give up then". He is full of plans to write to the press and write to our MP, and was very excited when I suggested writing to the Foreign Secretary - not in his capacity as the Foreign Secretary, but in his capacity as a parent who has adopted two children from the US and as the British husband of a US citizen wife. Funnily, a good friend of ours was doorstepping with said Foreign Secretary a couple of weeks ago (pre-election). Apparently he is very nice and polite (well, he'd have to be).

I'll go back in my hole now. At least we have not booked our holiday to clash with the next preparation group, which was a possibility. And we are accidentally going to see U2. Well, we didn't realise they were playing, but booked travel dates to coincide with their only Scandinavian gig, and the tickets are quite a bit cheaper than they are in the UK, too. So of course it would be impolite to be there, and not go and see them, wouldn't it?

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Do you think I've matured?

Or perhaps I've just got more shallow?

I was chatting the other day to lovely friend J, who I've known since university, and who is the single mother of a 9-year-old (er, I think), an "accident" on the mini-pill, and who she didn't know she was pregnant with until about 20w. But I digress.

She was asking how the niece(s) were and I realised that I have more or less managed to stay out of the whole palaver recently. Both my mother and my brother are behaving like drama queens, but I am happy to leave them to it. I have come to the conclusion that it upsets me much less when my nieces are sitting all day in the house my brother's building, watching DVDs, and not going to school, than it did when the younger one didn't see her dad for 3 months and her mum for 6 weeks, and they were planning that the older one wouldn't have seen her mum for 3 months (they were about 15 months and 3 at this time); the older one was faced with a maximum of 24h with her mum in the middle of that time and was begging with her mum to come and see her for longer.

I'm not entirely sure whether this is because it is intrinsically more upsetting to see the girls tiny and missing their parents than to see them older and stagnating at home (they are now 3 1/2 and nearly-6 - in theory they are being home schooled but my brother does nothing with them that could constitute schooling - his philosophy is that they'll ask for the education they need, but he doesn't exactly encourage them either), or if it's because it feels more likely we'll have kids so I am less invested in the girls. Or perhaps it is that, even if we do end up with children who have experienced some difficulties before they come to us (whether that's before birth, or with their birth parents) I'm pretty sure we're going to be giving them educational advantages that my nieces will not be getting.

I am already a competitive parent, and I don't even have any children yet.

(no news from the DCFS or on the adoption preparation course, but it's likely to be next month, though if I haven't said so already, we are OK to go ahead with the process without hearing from DCFS first).