Thursday, December 12, 2013

Baby steps. Well, just one baby step. Singular.

We had OHP and New Agency on our backs about permission from Government Department to make a commitment-in-principle, saying we had to go ahead anyway if we didn't want this match to fall through. Fortunately Government Department did come back and say they "couldn't see any reason not to".  

We are still waiting to have our medicals which is really the next important dealbreaker for us.  I am not sure there is much anyone (except the Big Man in the Sky) can do about this. Strangely, this makes me feel calmer.  It will be weeks, I imagine, before we know anything.

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

I need my own theme tune

Because this is getting like East Enders.

I can't sleep again (though it's only 1 am which is not too bad for me). We spoke to Nella again yesterday which led to varying accounts of the situation, the upshot of which is either a) she didn't think we were really interested in taking this baby or b) she had committed to the other couple and didn't want to let them down.  (or possibly c) she really likes drama. It turns out she was previously working with another couple who found her hard work and withdrew. I can appreciate that).

She says she'd like to switch to us, and we really have to trust that she means it - we know from our experiences with her so far that she is committed to seeing her children and to her children seeing each other. But as we said to each other, this is the risk from believing that birth parents should have choice.

But there are still hurdles. We are waiting to hear from OHP who is communicating with UK Government Department about what, exactly, we are allowed to commit to, to do and say at this stage. This may not be enough for Nella and her agency. So that (which would be a legal hurdle, we cannot change the law) could stop the whole process.

Nella needs to understand also that if (as is quite likely) there's a gap of a few weeks between the new baby being born and our paperwork swimming veeery slooowly across the Atlantic, the baby will need to be with a foster carer for that time, with us visiting.

And we need to clear the medical hurdle too, mainly Mr Spouse's - we're just hoping that one doesn't take too long, and, of course, is positive.

Tuesday, December 03, 2013

Adoption drama in real time

Yesterday 4.45 am: I wake, and realise we are meeting our social worker later. I can't go back to sleep. 
6.30 am: I go back to sleep 
7.00 am: I have to get up for work
8.45 am: Dash into nursery in the first minute of drop off time
8.54 am: Dash across campus. Grab coffee
9.01 am: Give lecture
2 pm: Start practical class
2.50 pm: Deliberateky don't tell class they can take a mid-session break
3.40 pm: Apologise to class for leaving 10 minutes early.
4.13 pm: Arrive home with Baby Spouse
4.15 pm: Social worker rings doorbell. General fuss made ofBaby Spouse. 
4.20 pm: Mr Spouse arrives home. 
4.22-5 pm: Discussion with social worker. Social worker has not read email with Mr Spouse's medical information but does not sound excessively worried. Suggests that Mr Spouse not take blood tests "just in case" in the future. Suggests we have early medicals, and that she'll talk to medical advisor tomorrow (today) and send us our medical forms today too. Discuss loveliness of Baby Spouse, Nella's lifestyle, new sibling (notice she calls new sibling "he" too), and also touch on our previous idea of concurrent planning. Their agency now does this and has a few couples doing this now. 
We'll get a letter from Mr Spouse's consultant, hopefully saying he's fine and at low risk of anything serious. Social worker suggests April panel date and also suggests this would mean a couple of months in cradle (foster) care for the new baby. We could live with that.
5.15 pm: Try to ring GP to book medicals. Apparently we cannot do this without forms clutched in our hot little hands.
6 pm: Family tea (Baby Spouse has recently started having his main meal with us at this time. He has also recently noticed that the serving dish has more food ths even Mummy and Daddy's plates, and has worked out how to get out of his high chair). Mr Spouse still having cold feet. I tell him he needs to make this decision for himself, and needs to be positive about it.
6.30 pm: Baby Spouse goes to bed, with his Bebe (dolly). The first time he's asked for it in bed. It's hard plastic. Ouch.
8.25 pm: As it is still relatively early we decide to watch a film.
8.30 pm: Receive email from Official Hague Person who has been trying to call Nella to make arrangements. OHP says that Nella has signed up with New Small Agency in Nice Little Agency Town (good thing) and has decided to work with another couple.

8.31 pm: Head explodes.

8.32-8.59 pm: I think of about 75 alternative plans. Mr Spouse tells me to stop thinking of mad plans. We decide we will call OHP tomorrow (today) and that we will go ahead with the medicals. We will also email the birth GPs and ask if they know more. We have, we realise, no idea if this is a final plan, a strategy, a diversion, and of course no guarantee that Nella will not change her mind again. And again. We chose to adopt in the US because birth parents have a choice about who parents their child, but that is a two edged sword. We actually know that Nella was matched with another couple before us.  
We decide that, as we were thinking of it anyway, we may decide to pursue concurrent adoption anyway. I know it's a bad time to make a quick decision, but we have been talking about this for a while, and we need to start A home study now - if Nella changed her mind in a month, and still wanted to work with us, we'd still have a chance.  

9 pm: We decide it's too late to watch a film, and instead watch Elementary. There are people on the screen, I imagine, but I have no idea beyond that.

11 pm: I go to sleep, thankfully.

Today, 5.45 am: I wake up. My head realises what has been going on.

8 am: I have now given Baby Spouse his morning milk and he needs to get ready for the childminder. I have the day off. I have been instructed "not to spend the day worrying".

I'll let you know how that goes.