Friday, October 26, 2007


Tomorrow afternoon, to foreign and warm, but probably quite rainy climes - it's the rainy season - Mr Spouse said "ooh, there will be thunderstorms, shall I take a raincoat" and I pointed out that a) he'd just get sweaty and b) that just means lots of rain as that's what tropical rain does.

He has been with me before but it was the dry season. He has just left his increasingly horrible job, the nicest part about it recently being the large redundancy payment, and will be looking for a new one when we get back.

I actually have a post in my head but may not get time to write it tomorrow, so behave yourselves while I'm gone.

Thursday, October 18, 2007


I have been feeling a little stuck recently - possibly because we are having an enforced break for a month (maybe two), but this has been highlighted by lovely news from three adoption blogs - jennyanydots has been linked with a child and has started visiting Mothercare; and both Jonathan at Life and Times * and Vivien at Getting off the Rollercoaster have been approved to adopt. Meanwhile we haven't been able to sign up for this month's foster carer preparation course as it extends into our overseas trip, and there is so much uncertainty at work. And I feel bad to compare people who have been through such a lot, to where I am now, but can't help feeling perhaps we should have chosen not to keep trying, and we might be there ourselves now.

This might involve longer periods overseas, which would be lovely but which would mean no adoption process for at least two years, or it might mean a move within the UK next year, but moving to a different area could make things harder or easier. We just don't know. If we do go overseas, we might get trained as foster carers and do some caring before we go, or we might not have time. And other things that I would like to do and in fact have told people I will do - like starting a new Brownie group - are having to be on hold, and I can't tell people why, exactly the same as when I was pregnant in the spring.

My mother and one of my many aunts were visiting at the weekend and we were looking at our wedding photos. We saw my grandfather (father of this aunt, but not my mother) and his wife (stepmother that this aunt grew up with) as well as my father-in-law and my friend A, all of whom have died since then, two of them somewhat (in A's case very) before their time. I also saw all the babies and two or three pregnant ladies and remembered that at the time I thought "it will be my turn next". I felt sad. I said it was because of A - and of course, it was, but also for other reasons.

And of course now there are the usual large number of large pregnant ladies around, only now I know that's what I would have been like now, which I am finding Hard. I actually don't feel as sad as I did around this stage two years ago, before my first due date, and although this sounds like I am feeling really negative at the moment, in fact I am surprisingly OK - I am, for a wonder, throwing myself into my work (ignore the timestamp on this... I have almost got my October list of things to do, done, so am giving myself a break) hence lack of commenting on other people's blogs.

We are discussing what to do for Christmas, when I would have been imminently due - my preference is somewhere far, far away or at least private - my due date was Dec 30th officially so I am hoping that concentrating on that particular date will help me get through Christmas, and will mean I can cope with family in the New Year when people seem to be planning a get-together, with my insensitive brother, very busy sister-in-law and noisy nieces.

*blog very general and mainly about software - but there are so few UK adoption blogs, even including the few overseas adoption blogs, that I feel I need to read them all.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Other people's stories

Just for a change.

S, my colleague at work, and her husband, M (however I put those two together if you are British it spells something silly or unfortunate) have been approved for adoption in Guatemala. These are the couple who had only just started when adoption in China was closed to those over 45 (I believe - too young for them anyway). She sounds very tired of the process and not at all excited - the US agency they would go through has just warned them that things may be closing down in Guatemala. They are not sure they would try another country, having initially thought about Russia, then China, they feel this may be the end of the road.

The other S, my best woman, and her husband, J, have an IVF information and planning appointment next week. I am assuming she will be starting downregulation (that's the sniffing, right?) a week later on her next CD1. I think she needs to get on t'internet as I think I know more about it than she does. I say IVF, but it will actually be ICSI - turns out J has low sperm count and motility (I think - perhaps it was poor morphology). She sounds slightly overwhelmed, which is not surprising since they were only told in August that they would need this and could have 2 rounds on the NHS, starting right now as she is 38, though he is a lot younger.

Apparently J's brother also has male factor, and in his case it is not fixable, and has probably contributed to the breakdown of his marriage. Both her sisters-in-law (one each side) are pregnant, one in SE Asia (S: She was a bit worried at the start of the pregnancy, not sure why. Me: Er, malaria? Very bad for babies? Causes miscarriages? S: I thought it was only dangerous after birth. Me: No - mosquitoes like pregnant women, too, because they are warm, and the parasite likes bits of you with lots of small capillaries, like your brain or the placenta. Actually (though I didn't say this) it is a huge risk factor throughout pregnancy).

Went to see Dr Alternative yesterday, who again recommended homeopathy (I had stopped taking it on the grounds that a) I don't believe in it and b) it was making me feel ill). Might not do me any harm to give up coffee again, though. He was even more pleasant this time, though he still harped on IVF, and it still won't increase our chances of pregnancy over what we've managed so far, nor decrease our chances of miscarriage, he was more accepting of our reasons not to do it. He reminded me I need to find a different, less food-Nazi, acupuncturist locally. He also said I looked well, and I think I do feel well. I've had a fairly calm summer, and I actually think some of the supplements might be helping me feel calmer and more productive. If I had to put my finger on it I'd say the omega-3s.