Everyone is doing their best to take care of me and I am making sure that I get out of the house at least once a day. Today's is a well baby appointment, which should include getting the results back of two tests, one of which will be a tick-box-he's-fine they do on all babies here, and one of which might be a bit more worrying if it reveals something we have a slight suspicion of, based on some information revealed immediately after he was born; and which will also include a booster jab for something babies don't get given in the UK, so it's probably good to get it sorted out here.
But the visa situation is beyond complicated, the right hand doesn't even know that the left hand exists, we can't have the type of visa that everyone else has been given, they haven't heard of the type we know we are supposed to get (it's really worrying when you know immigration law better than the people who work for the Border Agency).
If nothing happens by later today I am going to ring up the consulate and pretend I have been arrested (this is the only way to speak to a person, apparently).
Unfortunately as I can't go for a run, and there are lots of fattening foods available, some of them in the convenience store next door to the apartment, this is not going to be good for my waistline. I also discovered they sell Smirnoff and Cranberry (very reasonably priced too), so I decided that I needed to watch Unforgettable and eat chips (they do constitute dinner, if you also have a mango and some cottage cheese, don't they?), and that if Baby Spouse spiked a fever in the middle of the night I'd have to call 911.
Thursday, February 02, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Home alone
Or not home, as the case may be. Mr Spouse went home yesterday, and two night time feedings are more than twice as tiring when you don't have anyone to share them with. I am aware that we are very lucky it's only two.
Everyone is taking care of me though, I'm at the foster carer's house for dinner, and tomorrow I'm meeting the adoptive parents my friend introduced me to, again.
I have a few bits and pieces of paperwork to get done - I just picked out the ten photos the agency gets us to print for the first month, and written a draft of a letter for N to put in her scrap book. We have another well baby appointment on Thurs, and I'm thinking about going to a Mommy Matinee.
The visa agents have a status check facility on their website, and we were pleased to see the paperwork not only arrived at their offices but was sent to the embassy. We were very surprised to see an estimated back-in-office time of next Weds later in the day. We'll believe it when we see it, but perhaps Mr Spouse's obsessive form-filling side has helped. We actually have one supposedly essential piece of paper missing, which we cannot get, though we got a court order to circumvent this. So we are crossing our fingers they noticed this already and don't mind, rather than that didn't notice and are going to object when they do.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Moving
In my Google Reader feed I have categories of Adoption, Parents, Infertility/Loss and also UK (which is where I look first in case you are interested) as well as other categories for non-IAL blogs (though non IAL parents go in Parents too).
I just added the category Parents to my feed.
I just added the category Parents to my feed.
This is going to get confusing
I may need some new pseudonyms.
We met N today (let's call her Nella, nothing like her real name but also not close to any of the other Ns involved in the situation!) and had a social afternoon, then met her parents and her daughter that lives with them. I'll think up some pseudonyms for them later if I need them I think.
Nella shed a few tears, but I think appreciated the visit, and we have heard from several other adoptive families that this is an unusual time to have a visit, and that many birth parents want a break but come back for visits later, so I do think she was brave to do it now since she knows she can't see him for another year at least, now.
The daughter (let's call her Montana) is in her teens, and had a nice time holding the baby, and trying to feed and burp him (it was lovely actually that all the adults present could tell her it was OK to bang his back a bit harder! Nella and I also bonded over telling a random man in a diner that no, he could NOT hold the baby. Sheesh.)
All in all it was good, we got some great photos, and we gave them the written (but legally unenforceable) open adoption agreement that Nella had asked for. I am coming round to the idea that she has some fairly major educational difficulties as she got her dad to read it for her, plus another comment she made about looking for work; he suggested some helpful ideas on visits which I think he would not have suggested had we not met, and he also (I think it's OK to give more details now) asked if we'd like to get photos of her older son, who was removed through Child Protective Services and has been adopted, to which we said, yes please.
One issue which we think she did not notice, or she would have objected to, was the means and timing of contact which we'd suggested in our agreement. Because of the crisis she was having, Nella called us almost every day in the two-three weeks leading up to his birth, and almost every day since then too. We aren't really sure we want to carry on having calls that often, and we have a number that can be diverted to voicemail which she uses, and we think we will turn it off apart from times when we are expecting a call.
Nella's dad suggested we email them photos, but again because we are wary of not living up to expectations about returning emails, we may do that through a photo sharing site rather than from our own email. One worry was that Nella would return to her previous precarious (very very precarious, believe me) living situation and lose her phone number, though she'd have ours, but we got her dad's number so if we need to call we can contact her through him.
I hope this does not make us sound like bad people. We know some families have a lot more contact than this, but this level of contact is unusual for families working with our agency, we have been told. We have set up for monthly photos, letters, and calls for the next six months, and I know Nella is happy for that to happen, and we are happy too. After that, I'm hoping for a repeat of my childhood, to be honest, with visits to a sunny US destination annually, both to bolster my American identity and to have family visits. We do want normality, but parenting an adopted child will never be entirely the same as parenting a birth child, and I hope we manage to bear that in mind.
We met N today (let's call her Nella, nothing like her real name but also not close to any of the other Ns involved in the situation!) and had a social afternoon, then met her parents and her daughter that lives with them. I'll think up some pseudonyms for them later if I need them I think.
Nella shed a few tears, but I think appreciated the visit, and we have heard from several other adoptive families that this is an unusual time to have a visit, and that many birth parents want a break but come back for visits later, so I do think she was brave to do it now since she knows she can't see him for another year at least, now.
The daughter (let's call her Montana) is in her teens, and had a nice time holding the baby, and trying to feed and burp him (it was lovely actually that all the adults present could tell her it was OK to bang his back a bit harder! Nella and I also bonded over telling a random man in a diner that no, he could NOT hold the baby. Sheesh.)
All in all it was good, we got some great photos, and we gave them the written (but legally unenforceable) open adoption agreement that Nella had asked for. I am coming round to the idea that she has some fairly major educational difficulties as she got her dad to read it for her, plus another comment she made about looking for work; he suggested some helpful ideas on visits which I think he would not have suggested had we not met, and he also (I think it's OK to give more details now) asked if we'd like to get photos of her older son, who was removed through Child Protective Services and has been adopted, to which we said, yes please.
One issue which we think she did not notice, or she would have objected to, was the means and timing of contact which we'd suggested in our agreement. Because of the crisis she was having, Nella called us almost every day in the two-three weeks leading up to his birth, and almost every day since then too. We aren't really sure we want to carry on having calls that often, and we have a number that can be diverted to voicemail which she uses, and we think we will turn it off apart from times when we are expecting a call.
Nella's dad suggested we email them photos, but again because we are wary of not living up to expectations about returning emails, we may do that through a photo sharing site rather than from our own email. One worry was that Nella would return to her previous precarious (very very precarious, believe me) living situation and lose her phone number, though she'd have ours, but we got her dad's number so if we need to call we can contact her through him.
I hope this does not make us sound like bad people. We know some families have a lot more contact than this, but this level of contact is unusual for families working with our agency, we have been told. We have set up for monthly photos, letters, and calls for the next six months, and I know Nella is happy for that to happen, and we are happy too. After that, I'm hoping for a repeat of my childhood, to be honest, with visits to a sunny US destination annually, both to bolster my American identity and to have family visits. We do want normality, but parenting an adopted child will never be entirely the same as parenting a birth child, and I hope we manage to bear that in mind.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Road trip
We've just had a three hour drive with a baby (translation - a 4 1/2 hour drive) to go and get Baby Spouse's passport and are being introduced to the joys of not-very-baby-friendly hotels. We got the crib (= UK cot, enormous, but he's such a wriggler he'll enjoy exploring the far reaches, it looks like something out of a 1950s movie, all white metal curved bars), but although the hotel said it had kitchenettes with microwaves, it only has a fridge and a coffee maker. And neither of those are any good for sterilising bottles.
It is interesting how people react to such a tiny baby (he's probably topped 8lb now), especially in the sling - I don't think they are that common here, but I'm anxious not to schlep him into shops and restaurants in the car seat, given his history, he needs a break. We've had people do double takes because they didn't realise he was there, and so many people ask how old he is.
We also had a service person in a store enquire about the paperwork we were copying, for the passport, ask "did you plan for him to be born here?" which is a fair question, as it's not too unlikely he could have been born either before the last date for flying, or after getting stuck here for some reason. We explained, as we have to quite a lot of people, that he is being adopted. "Awesome" was the reply (which is nice, as though most people are very positive, some are caught short for an answer) followed by a tale of his sister and her adopted daughter and, erm, the daughter's dreadful birth parents. As I said to Mr Spouse, I hope we bring up Baby Spouse to have more respect for his birth family.
It is interesting how people react to such a tiny baby (he's probably topped 8lb now), especially in the sling - I don't think they are that common here, but I'm anxious not to schlep him into shops and restaurants in the car seat, given his history, he needs a break. We've had people do double takes because they didn't realise he was there, and so many people ask how old he is.
We also had a service person in a store enquire about the paperwork we were copying, for the passport, ask "did you plan for him to be born here?" which is a fair question, as it's not too unlikely he could have been born either before the last date for flying, or after getting stuck here for some reason. We explained, as we have to quite a lot of people, that he is being adopted. "Awesome" was the reply (which is nice, as though most people are very positive, some are caught short for an answer) followed by a tale of his sister and her adopted daughter and, erm, the daughter's dreadful birth parents. As I said to Mr Spouse, I hope we bring up Baby Spouse to have more respect for his birth family.
Friday, January 20, 2012
You'll be relieved to hear
we finally got custody today.
We are sitting here playing on our computers with Baby Spouse gurgling away in the background (or possibly trying to work out how to escape from his swaddler. Probably the latter.)
Lots more paperwork starts now, though after talking to the completely useless passport expiditing service, we found out we can make an appointment for Monday morning and get the passport that afternoon, about 3 hours away. We spend quite a while this afternoon trying to get a suitable photo. We'll just have to see if it is OK.
If you are on the Book of Face, and you are in a suitable group of my friends, you can now see some photos for yourself. If you think you should be, and you are a regular commenter, you can always email me.
We are sitting here playing on our computers with Baby Spouse gurgling away in the background (or possibly trying to work out how to escape from his swaddler. Probably the latter.)
Lots more paperwork starts now, though after talking to the completely useless passport expiditing service, we found out we can make an appointment for Monday morning and get the passport that afternoon, about 3 hours away. We spend quite a while this afternoon trying to get a suitable photo. We'll just have to see if it is OK.
If you are on the Book of Face, and you are in a suitable group of my friends, you can now see some photos for yourself. If you think you should be, and you are a regular commenter, you can always email me.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
12 days old
We went out to a local touristy place today with the foster carer, her daughter, our son (obviously!) and a very old friend of mine who has been living in Agency-ville for 7 years (and is from here originally). It has been so good to see her - she's the kind of friend you can see after however-many years and then see again 2 days later and still have loads of (even non-baby-related) stuff to talk about, plus she has two little boys and is lending us her bassinet etc. etc. - I am not sure if I said this already, sorry if so.
There was a teeny awkward moment when FC's husband, who had joined us, asked something about Baby Spouse that we aren't making public (but FC needs to know), and I fudged, and had to tell FC the full story later. If it had been really crucial, I'd have told FC the minute I saw her (or the agency would have given her the full medical records, or we would). But it's hard, having some people know some things and some not.
N has called every day so far, but didn't call today. Though I'm happy to have a little break, I do want her to feel we are not neglecting her, especially if we are trying to set up initial visits with other birth family members (which we are), even if it ends up just being a one-off for his photo book, it will be worth it. So I'll probably call tomorrow to tell her how MUCH he is eating and how his cheeks are getting chubby! He's still a bit of a skinny minny but we are taking bets on whether he'll have gained a full pound or not by his next doctor's appointment.
The odd thing today was, walking around the touristy place with Baby Spouse in a wrap (that's Mr Spouse carrying him, it was his turn today), everyone says "ooh how tiny, how old is he" (and thankfully the wrap stops them from poking him) and then is amazed at how young he is, oh, only 12 days! It seems so old to me!
There was a teeny awkward moment when FC's husband, who had joined us, asked something about Baby Spouse that we aren't making public (but FC needs to know), and I fudged, and had to tell FC the full story later. If it had been really crucial, I'd have told FC the minute I saw her (or the agency would have given her the full medical records, or we would). But it's hard, having some people know some things and some not.
N has called every day so far, but didn't call today. Though I'm happy to have a little break, I do want her to feel we are not neglecting her, especially if we are trying to set up initial visits with other birth family members (which we are), even if it ends up just being a one-off for his photo book, it will be worth it. So I'll probably call tomorrow to tell her how MUCH he is eating and how his cheeks are getting chubby! He's still a bit of a skinny minny but we are taking bets on whether he'll have gained a full pound or not by his next doctor's appointment.
The odd thing today was, walking around the touristy place with Baby Spouse in a wrap (that's Mr Spouse carrying him, it was his turn today), everyone says "ooh how tiny, how old is he" (and thankfully the wrap stops them from poking him) and then is amazed at how young he is, oh, only 12 days! It seems so old to me!
Friday, January 13, 2012
Another thought
A brief thought, I hope.
I was emailing someone I know who isn't really a friend but who I know likes older kids, and who asked how it was all going, so I was about to write "you must come round and have a cuddle". She's younger, in a relationship, unlikely to be weepy over the thougt of someone else, not her, having a baby. But I had second thoughts and added "if you like babies that is". I must remember, I must tell myself to remember, it is not easy for everyone to love small babies. And how quickly I forgot that. I am not about to thrust my own ex-preemie with query breathing difficulties into everyone's arms during flu and cold season (after the NICU, Mr Spouse suggests we have a washing notice as people enter our house*). But I need to think.
*Three minutes washing here - I can't remember the Countdown song well enough so have the Jeopardy tune on internal repeat.
I was emailing someone I know who isn't really a friend but who I know likes older kids, and who asked how it was all going, so I was about to write "you must come round and have a cuddle". She's younger, in a relationship, unlikely to be weepy over the thougt of someone else, not her, having a baby. But I had second thoughts and added "if you like babies that is". I must remember, I must tell myself to remember, it is not easy for everyone to love small babies. And how quickly I forgot that. I am not about to thrust my own ex-preemie with query breathing difficulties into everyone's arms during flu and cold season (after the NICU, Mr Spouse suggests we have a washing notice as people enter our house*). But I need to think.
*Three minutes washing here - I can't remember the Countdown song well enough so have the Jeopardy tune on internal repeat.
Countdown
We don't think we'll get custody tomorrow (boooo) but we will definitely be having a crucial phone call with our social worker tomorrow, at an early time here (hooray!). Then it's waiting for a UK letter that could be issued on Monday and if it is issued on Monday and if the OHP is in the office (or picking up email) on Monday (which is MLK Day but not all offices take that day off) then we could get custody that day. Otherwise we are rooting for Tuesday.
We have all the paperwork we then need for Baby Spouse's passport on the starting line (one court order - in this state they will grant a court order to change the baby's name legally before the new birth certificate is issued, so the passport will be in our names - he's having both our surnames, but not hyphenated). So there should be fewer suspicious immigration officials.
Then the next two hurdles are birth father issues (the word here is, just hope no one says anything) and Baby Spouse's UK visa, for which we are supposed to produce a long list of documents almost all of which we already produced in order to be approved to adopt by the UK. Gah. One of them Mr Spouse, bad boy, has had to send for (at not too great cost). One further document is rarely available here (we're guessing the list was drawn up for international adoption in general) so we have to find out what we can get instead of this.
OK, you're bored now, I can tell. You want to know:
How cute is the baby? answer: very very very cute. We went over today between the FC's school drop-off and pick-up times, we are thinking of doing the same tomorrow as it worked well, but seeing if we can go out somewhere (less boring, good practice, etc. etc.). We are in a fairly major touristy town but it is only about 10C and overcast and most of the attractions are outdoors, so maybe the mall. Mr Spouse wants to go to the Gap. Sounds thrilling, no? But at least the new Moby will get an outing.
How well is Dr Spouse? answer: much better. Urgent care diagnosed not strep, but severe enough inflammation to warrant some steroids. So I'm now sporting an Eastern European style moustache actually able to swallow water, solids, and tablets. And codeine for the night-time cough. Bet you're thrilled at that. But you do feel proper ill when they give you something that you can't get on prescription. We're chilling out after a somewhat home-cooked meal (as home-cooked as the slightly sub-standard kitchen will allow - no corkscrew, I ask you!), and might watch some trash on TV shortly. My vote, as always, is for Law and Order.
We have all the paperwork we then need for Baby Spouse's passport on the starting line (one court order - in this state they will grant a court order to change the baby's name legally before the new birth certificate is issued, so the passport will be in our names - he's having both our surnames, but not hyphenated). So there should be fewer suspicious immigration officials.
Then the next two hurdles are birth father issues (the word here is, just hope no one says anything) and Baby Spouse's UK visa, for which we are supposed to produce a long list of documents almost all of which we already produced in order to be approved to adopt by the UK. Gah. One of them Mr Spouse, bad boy, has had to send for (at not too great cost). One further document is rarely available here (we're guessing the list was drawn up for international adoption in general) so we have to find out what we can get instead of this.
OK, you're bored now, I can tell. You want to know:
How cute is the baby? answer: very very very cute. We went over today between the FC's school drop-off and pick-up times, we are thinking of doing the same tomorrow as it worked well, but seeing if we can go out somewhere (less boring, good practice, etc. etc.). We are in a fairly major touristy town but it is only about 10C and overcast and most of the attractions are outdoors, so maybe the mall. Mr Spouse wants to go to the Gap. Sounds thrilling, no? But at least the new Moby will get an outing.
How well is Dr Spouse? answer: much better. Urgent care diagnosed not strep, but severe enough inflammation to warrant some steroids. So I'm now
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