Friday, September 26, 2008


This post at Building Heavenly Bridges has made me think what I would like/have liked in a take-home pack from the hospital after having miscarriages 1 and 4 (the others happened at home).

The first time I got a leaflet from The Miscarriage Association, and I believe something that . The second time I got some hospital maxi pads, a compliment on my pyjamas, and a promise to carry out chromosomal analysis on the foetus.

I later got something about the annual church service that is held in my area for those that have lost a baby, which we did go to that year.

Although I've not felt a need to have such things, I know other women have found poems, prayers, and remembrance items such as bracelets to be helpful. I find more therapy in knitting and watching trashy TV. Perhaps women should be given vouchers for DVDs, and suggestions on where to get memorial jewellery. It might be nice to have a memory box or folder, and to be asked if you wanted scan pictures.

I think what I needed most especially in the first weeks and months after the first miscarriage, though, was someone to talk to. There is no local support group in my area, although hundreds of women must miscarry in the area every year (based on the birth rate which I know). There's someone available on the phone once a week at an inconvenient time (I suspect it's before her kids get home from school), about 50 miles away.

What would you have wanted?

(Comments left for:
Reservado para futura mama - sorry, a repeat
Bernardeena - not strictly an ICLW person


Bernardeena said...

I don't know what I would of wanted, but I know what I got and that was absolutely nothing. TBH they didn't even sign me off work or anything following the erpc, I happened to have a weeks holiday already booked anyway. I think it is only as after thoughts that you start to think about these things.

However the fact that I had people I could talk to about what had happened who understood made a huge difference. i always think it must be incredibly difficult not to have anyone that understands what you are going through, when in reality so many people go through the same. I do think that some sort of support group would be a massive help to those people who don't feel they have anyone who they can share with.

Perceval said...

i have not been in the situation, but good books or pointers to internet fora would have helped a lot when we were struggling to conceive #1

Portraits In Sepia said...

I think, and I don't really know, that I would have wanted to talk and talk and talk to anyone who would listen and I would want people to not be afraid to ask but to be ready to listen and not offer one iota of advice unless they had gone through something similar in the last few years.

Here for ICLW

Michelle said...

I would have liked scan pictures (only got this with my 2nd), someone to talk to who knew what it was like and a punching bag because I just wanted to beat the crap out of something. Also, I would have liked a little more sensitivity from people at the hospital.

Anonymous said...

My mum told me a story about the fact that her MIL took her aside after she suffered a m/c and said only those who have been there can understand.

When E and I were diagnosed with anejaculation I so badly wanted my mum to understand, but I knew that she wouldn't. I struggled finding someone I could trust. I think what I needed most was someone to tell me that I wasn't alone. It wasn't until I stumbled upon the blogs that I realized that I wasn't.

Here from ICLW.

Rebecca said...

I wanted my magazine back and for the Dr. to have been on time. I brought in some magazines to read while I was waiting and I only got one back. The Dr. was also a half hour late, apparently he forgot out it. Nice.

Anonymous said...

I could have done with time. Time to take in what we'd just been told, time to process the shell-shock, before the doctor started listing treatment options and demanding decisions of me - natural or ERPC? Right there in the scanning room, three minutes after telling me I was miscarrying for real. I was too stunned with misery to even here her, let alone make a coherent choice. So we went home without making a decision, and had to make one all on our own, and then call the hospital back with it. I wonder to this day whether the subsequent infection I developed was caused by the fact I therefore had to wait three days longer to get an ERPC (the theatre had 'got all booked up' in the day it took me to decide) despite the fact I was bleeding all that time.

So. Time. In the hospital. Somewhere private. And where I could get hold of a medical practitioner who could explain things to me when I had got over the shock a little.

And a cup of tea would have been nice.