Philosophical

I'm not quite sure why we bothered with all that, erm, as Mr Spouse put it, activity, as it's CD1, bang on time, today. Of course I did a small test yesterday, and of course I've been wondering what would happen if I were pregnant. What would have happened was:

• I wouldn't be able to have my travel vaccinations tomorrow
• I would have had to wait to see if I miscarried at 5w again to book our overseas trip
• If I hadn't we wouldn't have been able to go to malarial parts at the end of October
• Mr Spouse would have been very cross as he has arranged for his last day at work to allow this trip
• and to use part of his large redundancy payment for the trip, too - I'm going for work but he's going along for the ride
• Things would have got very complicated with a potential new job application too as
• I have a very very long notice period and although
• I actually am hoping applying for this will nudge my current employers into a possible promotion
• I wouldn't have been able to say anything to either of them and
• if I had moved jobs I wouldn't have got salary-related maternity pay.

I think I may bite the bullet and see if we can't use contraception this month - we go away a week after my next period is due - Mr S will be a lot less stressed after that and a lot more up for late mornings in bed, so it's a good month to waste - and if I get an interview for the new job things won't be clouded by that, though the length of my notice period means I could still be without decent maternity pay, though I'd be unlikely to be without adoption leave as the process takes so long.

But it's scary doing that for a non-medical reason - which is why we haven't since I had a complete meltdown two months after the first miscarriage and Mr Spouse insisted. I feel like I have about 10 eggs left and skipping a month leaves me with 9.

Edit, in response to comment, as it seemed simpler than a v long comment myself, or a whole new post:
I've had four miscarriages, and apart from the most recent one, no pregnancy has effectively developed beyond 6 weeks. This doesn't fit the pattern of an anatomical irregularity, though I'm not completely familiar with this, my understanding is these are usually later first-trimester. My most developed foetus was only just under 8w.

But I've also had: lap & dye, numerous internal scans, and very good care from one of the main research centres in the UK in recurrent miscarriage. RCOG guidelines (medics' version here) suggest that internal scans are just as good as HSG (which I've effectively had, anyway) in diagnosing these.