Traditionally, of course, one does not tell many people in the first trimester that one is pregnant. We have avoided telling people for previous pregnancies - with the first one, I think realising there was a risk of miscarriage, and not wanting people to come back to us at about 20 weeks and ask how it was going. I think we were probably right to do that. With the next two confirmed pregnancies we were obviously more scared of something going wrong, and then it did, so we felt justified.
This time, so many people know that something has been wrong that we are slightly revising our policy. I have told two online communities (including the one that we met through) on the grounds that, I would be telling them if something went wrong, and we would like their thoughts and prayers before that happened. We have also told two of our adoption referees on the grounds that they are probably wondering what's going on with the adoption anyway, and we think we'll tell my mother, and the other two referees, after the 8 week scan, which ever way it goes.
But thinking about the treatment that the clinic is giving me - basically, TLC and ultrasound - and the fact that if recurrent miscarriers aren't getting treatment, it can be the case that no-one except their partner can support them - I wonder if keeping quiet is really the best policy. Perhaps having an aware support system is something that could actually help one's chances?
I'm wondering when is going to be the best time to tell my boss - he only knows I've been ill, not what with, so he doesn't know how scary this pregnancy is. And he can't keep his mouth shut, and I know he'll want to start planning for any potential absence, and I don't want him to do that until I'm 14 weeks (which would coincide with the end of term, which would be bad from his point of view as all helpful parties tend to disperse). But I don't know how much longer I can be regularly irregular in my physical attendance at work, without anyone noticing. And selfishly, if he knew I was pregnant and wanting to nap every afternoon, I might get a lower exam marking load.