Friday, October 07, 2005

I don't seem to be very good at...


It's not helped by Mr Spouse having a cold and snoring loudly, but although he woke me up he did stop for a good half hour following liberal administration of Boots Snoring Remedy - he is a star, as it tastes disgusting. But then I went into fret mode, woke up more, went off to read a magazine in the living room, finished the magazine, felt no less awake, went to read other people's blogs (Julie and Hardscrabble, for the moment, though I have links to a load more). Then of course I felt more confused and alert, and less like sleeping, and more upset. Finally I went back to bed and removed my half of the duvet from Mr Spouse, who woke up and gave me a nice warm hug so of course then I really started crying.

Although I don't know much about the practicalities of doing IVF in the UK, and it can hardly be more expensive than doing it in the US, we have talked a little bit about whether we'd want to find out about doing it here - and I think we are pretty sure we wouldn't. It isn't the financial side (even if it was as expensive as in the US, we are actually OK in that respect, as I'm sure my grandfather would think it was a good use of his inheritance), but the emotional side - the success rate does not seem that high - and, from reading these blogs, the emotional side seems far worse than a normal "wait-and-see" approach - although of course we haven't got to the despairing stage yet, so perhaps having some hope would be better than none, but also the medical side sounds far, far worse than I though - and I'm married to a diabetic, and one of my very best friends has a baby conceived through IVF, and "siblings on ice" as she puts it.

So, falling asleep at the time I was normally supposed to get up, I then slept for 2 1/2 hours - I probably could have snuck into work late, but I still felt awful, including dizzy. I decided to claim "possible cold/side effects of flu jab yesterday", and ring in, or rather, email in sick. It is much easier to sound sick in print... I have a history of not sleeping very well, though it is not as bad since Mr Spouse came on the scene, and I have never come to a particularly satisfactory solution to the "I don't feel well enough to work today because I only slept for 3 hours last night" call to work... I know from experience that if I do go to work, I get nothing done, and then I do come down with the cold/migraine that has been threatening. So I usually just claim that it is current rather than future...

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