Anyway we are kind of back where we started when we were matched with Nella before Baby Spouse was born - and she had a breakup with a boyfriend - and she called me to tell me how awful he was. Quite a bit. But that's OK, it feels familiar and that had a good outcome.
Mr Spouse says that the more we learn, the more we can see how we are not "taking the babies away" from a beautiful life with their birth parents. It's going to be hard to tell him/them about this when they are older. But it's going to be necessary. It is, as a friend once said, one of the special burdens of adoptive parents.