Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Well it's been a ... well, a day

Yesterday, this was.  I was having a quiet day at work (thankfully) when I got an email saying that Nella had been calling other adoption agencies local to her, to request expectant parent packets.

We worked out where this was coming from, after a phone call to Official Hague Person's assistant. Nella feels that she isn't getting enough (she says financial, and I think it's also emotional) support from New Agency.  She thinks she can get more elsewhere.  This isn't possible in her state, they are following all the rules, and they are fed up with her. It is a bit easier for OHP to be a bit less fed up with her as they aren't dealing with her day to day, but for us, this kind of wobble is pretty scary, and NA are close to telling her to look elsewhere. 

OHP is not sure if she is seriously trying to move to a different agency, if she will look further afield (there are unscrupulous agencies out there, especially in other states), or if she is just confused/having a tantrum/fed up.  From OHP's point of view, they want to work with us if she still wants to place the new baby with us, and if we can find an agency that will work with all of us (NA is the one they work with most in her state, but OHP says that they may find others that will work OK).  NA, however, are just fed up, end of their tether stuff. 

OHP say that now she has tried to look elsewhere, they are able to alert other sensible agencies and that none of these will be that interested in taking her on if she is going to mess them around (especially without us as a match -  but it's still worrying.

We are now at more or less exactly the point where we started with Nella in Baby Spouse's pregnancy - we have the same amount of time to go.  Part of me thinks this could still go OK, if everyone calms down now and neither Nella nor NA throw their toys out of the pram. Part of me thinks it could get worse, she could get more emotional, and an unscrupulous person could land on her now.

To say it's a bit of a rollercoaster is an understatement.  I am trying really hard to focus on being a good mum to Baby Spouse, and on being a mum of one now, not on being a mum of two in the future. I'm also trying to focus on thinking that there will be a way for us to grow our family, even if it isn't this.  Mr Spouse is, not surprisingly, spitting. He's wondering why we even started out on this plan, and saying that he doesn't see why we should make an effort to take Baby Spouse to see Nella and family as often as we planned if she's going to behave like this. 


Rachel said...

God, that's so hard. Thinking of you. How emotionally exhausting.

Claudia said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. That sure is a long list of people to be frustrated with- I can see why Mr Spouse is losing it!

I know it's a hundred times easier said than done, but your focus is so spot-on - being a good mum to Baby Spouse NOW. I hope he's going through a particularly cute stage because that would certainly help!

Twangypearl the Elastic Girl said...

Very hard, Dr Spouse. Oh, expletives! You'd need the patience of Job.

I can only believe that Nella will come around - it seems so clear what the thing to do here is (to me, anyway).

Bernardeena said...

Having just come back to the world of blogging after a rather large break firstly can I say OH MY GOODNESS I HAD NO IDEA! Sounds like such an emotional and difficult time and position for you to be in. x