Sunday, April 24, 2011

First reserve

So, after a nailbiting couple of days, our profile was shown, but we hadn't seen the additional information. We were not first choice but it has all been so rushed, the couple that were picked had also not had the full picture, so they are holding us second in case there is a dealbreaker for the other couple.

It is hard though - it's a really important decision, but not much time to decide - and there are some aspects Mr Spouse in particular is quite uncomfortable with. He's wondering if these are inevitable (I think we may have some prejudices about why parents place children for adoption - but I also think that we may just be seeing one particular cross-section at the moment).

Anyway I'm not quite sure what we'd do if the first couple say no, but we are talking it over. I feel if it doesn't work out either way, there are enough situations we shouldn't have to wait tooooo long.

Which brings me to my second point. Panic.

The baby in this situation is due in 6 weeks. It occurs to me that, for the next 18 months or longer, we need to be ready to fly - and be away for a month or longer - at this notice or considerably less. I can see work taking major advantage of me over this and trying to persuade me to keep in email touch/answer questions while I'm out on leave. And "work" is not just my colleagues in the building, but also multiple collaborators worldwide, many of whom have gone back to work a month after giving birth - so lots of emotional blackmail and likely some projects that will just collapse.

But you'll laugh if I say the most worry is taking place over how to hand over my Brownie unit. It's my project, I started it and I'm the public face and the one the girls are expecting to go on holiday with!

(Sorry for the slight case of leaving-you-hanging, we are still in this situation but I started writing on Thursday, only for the dog to eat my homework)


Anonymous said...

Oh, this is nervewracking. I shall just perch here on these tenterhooks and wait with you, yes?

DrSpouse said...

You're dead right - we're less on tenterhooks now we know we're second choice, because we are pretty sure the first choice couple will go ahead.

Maria Wolters said...

If I were you, I would establish ground rules early with your collaborators world-wide - the UK is different. I was quite clear about certain boundaries that I enforced rigidly, such as being completely off work email for three weeks around the birth, and having an out-of-office notice advising of delays etc etc

DrSpouse said...

Maria I'm afraid you sound rather too much like my over-achiever colleagues! For me 9 months+ adoption leave means just that - no work, including no work email - though of course out of office replies help. I can't tell collaborators I might be out on leave "some time in the next two years" as that would be like telling them we were trying to get pregnant!

And I have to tell my line manager as soon as we have a match but I don't want everyone to know until it's nearer the date - my personal estimate is about a 75% success rate from match to finalisation.

nh said...

If it makes you feel any better.... although I'd been saying for a couple of months, I think I'm leaving for adoption leave at this point, I still officially gave a week's notice. And that week was a half term holiday!

Stick to your guns, you are entitled to have the time. You have the perfect excuse not to check email, no time etc.

As to Brownies - you know I had such nightmares over it. It's been okay. I know I'm lucky because there are two other leaders, but they have coped. They will continue to cope. Like you told me, just go with whatever you can, and when you can't, you can't.

Good luck, I hope you get news soon.

Twangypearl the Elastic Girl said...

Also on tenterhooks on your behalf - so much at stake. Uncertainty - NOT fond. I have a good feeling though, for what it's worth - good luck!