Friday, May 16, 2008

Not having a good day/week/month

Went to the acupuncturist this morning, who always asks me how I'm feeling about it when my period has started. Well, you kind of get used to it, you know. I don't know if she expects to magically fix me, or what, or if she's just trying to be sympathetic. But to be honest I'm not feeling that great. This time last year I was pregnant, and it was the most hopeful ever, and then it failed, and it's nearly the anniversary.

The GP says my progesterone level "indicates I'm ovulating", which I kind of guessed (even before having the test), and there's nothing more to do "since I've already been investigated thoroughly". I could probably push for more but frankly can't be *rs*d.

And I have a load of stuff to do at work, none of which is overwhelming individually, but I also have stuff to get ready before we go to the US in August, and finding insurance etc. just reminds me every time we look at pre-existing conditions or pregnancy clauses. Fortunately the one for me from the university is pretty generous and specifically includes pregnancy, or excludes pregnancy and its complications from its exclusions if you see what I mean - but Mr Spouse and I both need cancellation insurance for our travel and for other trips beforehand and these are more mean - sad emails have been going back and forth this afternoon.

I've been working on a paper today, and just pottering around, but I have loads of marking to do, and I could honestly have spent the entire day doing much nicer things like taking photos of my crafts etc. And if I don't get my marking done tonight I'm going to be doing that tomorrow instead of taking photos etc., going to my knitting group, going for a walk, the things I want to do. And I promised a couple of other people bits and pieces this week, which I haven't done...

And I feel like the last man standing in the world of People Trying To Get Pregnant On The Internet (which should tell me something about where I'm going wrong, shouldn't it?). But don't go away, just don't worry if I'm a bit quiet on your blog.

5 comments:

Almamay said...

I'm still here and I'm still trying just like you. I find it difficult to continue reading blogs regularly when girls get lucky. I read them only occasionally after. I wish them well but it still hurts being the one of the few left.

Jendeis said...

Me too on the still here and still trying. There are a few lucky girls' blogs that I've dropped, those who seem the most insensitive to our lot, I guess. Wishing you nothing but good in the coming days. :)

DD said...

What sucks about infertility on the whole is that there will ALWAYS be someone left standing - even when you finally get picked for the team. I really wish that there was never any one to take those places and we all get the lives so many others take for granted.

Rachel said...

I'm also still standing with you, but I totally understand that feeling. I feel like that all the time, too.

nutsinmay said...

I'm so sorry you're not having a good month, and so sorry you are still stuck in this rather soul-sapping limbo. I hope very much the trip in August will be a great and fun experience for you and Mr Spouse, and I am thinking of you.