Sunday, December 23, 2007

Should I call? Or will it make it worse?

1) Very close friend S (was my best woman) and her husband J - I blogged about this - had a recently failed ICSI cycle. Just got a Christmas card from her best woman R. She has a son about the age our first would have been, and confided she had to have some kind of op (to remove polyps? is that even likely?) and then got pregnant. She is expecting twins. I imagine S knew about R's pregnancy before we did, but she hasn't mentioned it, though this may be because R didn't want her to. Not sure if I should call and see how she's doing in light of this.

2) Friend S at work - adopting from central America - I saw a few days ago that adoptions have been closed from her country - now, I am assuming she knows as the news is a little old, but after she got her referral, no idea how these things work, whether they would just slam the door on everyone, or process people who had got beyond a certain stage, or if the cutoff is in the future. They had originally planned to adopt from China but her husband M is too old, and I told her as soon as I saw the news, they contacted their agency who asked if they'd like to be rushed through, and they said no, they'd switch countries. So I feel like the bearer of bad news/as if I am poking them with a stick reminding them if they already know.

Dilemmas. I would maybe email the second couple before going back to work in January, as I don't know them that well, but a friendly Christmas call to my friends S & J would be appropriate anyway.

(Edited: I just looked up more about the overseas adoption news and it looks like they may have gotten far enough along in the process that they will be OK. But I'm still not sure whether to ask or not)


Thalia said...

I would call and say, so sorry to hear there are problems with country x again, how are you guys doing? That way if they want to live in blissful ignorance they can, if they want to they can explain to you what it means to them,etc. I have a colleague who is adopting from china, LID of 1 may 2007 who thinks she will get a referral in 2009. I know, complete denial but that's what she wants to do so it's not up to me to disillusion her. But I think your friends would be touched that you care enough to call and ask how they are coping with bad (even if not terminal) news.

May said...

What Thalia said.

Err. Well, she said it all, really.

Best wishes for 2008.