Monday, November 28, 2005

Always the daughter, never the mum

I work with children - not so much on a day-to-day basis, so I have a store of "cute things they say", and enough contact to keep me positive about children being nice most of the time, and feeling good that I can give them back when I'm done. And I have a two-year-old niece and many of my friends have small children. But I don't see them every day, and I don't share all the celebrations, or have to cope with their difficulties, or mark their milestones.

So when people talk about, say their baby's first birthday, the only comments I have to make are based on experiences as a child, rather than as an adult. So this means I constantly feel like a child, in these conversations. I've talked to other childless adults about this - one, who I'm pretty sure is childless by choice, seems to quite like feeling like a child. But I don't. I don't really like that my acquaintances and friends seem to know more about being an adult than I do. I don't like that I talk to a colleague who is the same age as Mr Spouse and he lumps me together with his pre-teen daughters.

Being an adult seems to mean responsibility - in particular responsibility for children. If you don't have that, it seems you cannot be fully grown up.


thalia said...

Just found you via your comment on Julie's blog. I hate to say welcome to the club but...

I am also 38 (nearly 39), and I haven't suffered miscarriage (unless you count a chemical pregnancy after an IVF, which I don't), but I am in the UK which you mention in an earlier entry you are keen to find. Others you might want to read are LEB at 99 pounds, Ms Prufrock at Barren Albion, Barren Mare at Barren Mare (but she's on hiatus right now), Pamplemousse at Pamplemousse. They're all linked from my blog. LEB has also been through miscarriage - several times.

I hope your stay in our club is brief.

Anonymous said...

hmmm - actually, having a kid only emphasises that inner kid, I found. at the same time you become more paranoid about small things


Jessica said...

Also a newcomer from Julie's blog.
I also have to agree and say that having a kid doesn't make you less of one. I truly think it's an internal thing, once you feel less like a kid, please will see it too. (It's like when you loose/or gain lots of weight. It takes a while for your brain to catch up.)

I'm looking forward to accompanying you on your journey to mommyhood. Don't loose hope. One way or another, you'll be a mommy. I'll be on the sidelines cheering you on!