Tuesday, November 26, 2013

So, we still have no idea really

Mr Spouse had his medical appointment on Saturday and the specialist said that his test results so far are nothing to worry about, so if he wanted, they can just continue to monitor. He has a small chance of having something bad, but even if he has something bad, it's not something that they would necessarily even treat because it tends not to even affect people for years and years and years (we gather that most people who have it die of old age).  So their recommended course of action is to do another blood test in a month, then another one every 3-4 months.  Sorry for being cryptic about this.

He feels comfortable with this and although he didn't think it was very likely, happy that the specialist didn't say "well, we'd better do an invasive test and then we can see if you need to have horrible treatment".  He also feels comfortable now, I think, saying that we'll try and go ahead with the adoption.

The issue now is that we are not sure if the adoption agency would agree with us that we can apply, or if we apply, would approve us.  As Mr Spouse says, adoption agencies tend to want to be sure that you will be hale and hearty for the next 30 years.

I am really really pleased that he feels able to consider going ahead, slightly frustrated that we've had to wait so long to get to this point, but also very worried that they wouldn't even consider letting us apply.

We had already set up an appointment with our old social worker for next Monday, but we emailed her after the appointment and asked if she could discuss this with the agency medical advisor before we meet.

On the one hand yes, I see their point, it is not good to have a child who has lost their birth family placed with parents who have a limited life expectancy and who they then lose prematurely. On the other hand, the information we have does not reduce Mr Spouse's life expectancy, we won't have better information in one, three, or necessarily 6 months, and we cannot wait to be approved because that would mean an unhealthy wait for the new baby before we can parent them. 

Also, if we do not adopt this baby, both Baby Spouse and the new baby will lose their biological sibling.  They will lose them in exactly the same sense that they have lost their birth parents - they will, we hope, see them but they will not grow up with them.

I am slightly considering contacting BAAF and the Adoption Czar (who were both very helpful about the issue of applying to adopt again at our ages), before we hear back from the agency.

1 comment:

Twangypearl the Elastic Girl said...

Well, progress has been made! Keeping fingers crossed for you.