Wednesday, June 08, 2011


We all know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men*.

Discussion on a forum today was about whether people had planned their families - the implication being that the opposite was the Oops baby.

Clearly if we ever had plans about the best time to have children they went West long ago.

But to me what others call "planned" I call "hope plus luck".

To me, if you say "I planned to get a promotion" then you are just being a bit arrogant. Maybe I'm alone, but you can try, you can do your best, you can be lucky, but to say you planned it implies others who plan - but do not get - or don't plan - are inadequate.

And I may be alone, but it always seems to me that it's similar for having children. So it always feels to me that they are saying something negative about my planning skills if they do.

I'm sure it's possible I'm being oversensitive. But there are so many implications of inadequacy in this game. Why didn't you get married earlier? Why didn't you "just" do IVF? Why did you "let" them take so long to approve you to adopt/send the paperwork overseas/find a match? Why are you doing something so unethical? Why aren't you prepared to adopt a British child?

So I could really do without another one.

*in case you've forgotten, they gang aft agley.


Twangypearl the Elastic Girl said...

I find the implication that any/all adoption from the US (if that is what you referred to?) is unethical is so insulting. I mean, REALLY. It completely depends on HOW you do it.

DrSpouse said...

Ah no, it was getting so wordy - it's the odd person who thinks "Adoption should never happen! All children should stay with famileeeeee!" and who have a very rosy picture of birth families. That was the group I really meant.

Twangypearl the Elastic Girl said...

Ah! I get it. Yes, well, in an ideal world, maaaaybe.