Thursday, April 23, 2009

This is the problem

with having an easygoing, relaxed Spouse.

Another cycle started - and I have to say, without nearly as much angst as some of the previous ones, so perhaps knowing we can't get pregnant (because we knew we'd miss the window) wasn't such a bad thing. This does mean though that we needed to think about whether this next cycle would be one in which we Try or Don't Try.

If we don't, I think for the moment we'd be either abstaining over a relatively large time-slot or using old-fashioned Protection. My only other idea for the moment is properly using the Persona (or using it in conjunction with Protection) but I don't have any sticks for it just now.

If we do, I need to see the GP (and, potentially, the Big Hospital) for some more progesterone supplements. I could probably survive a month on what I have left of the nice ones, plus the nasty ones.

And, of course, I'd also have to start taking the mega folate again (I'm taking my regular women's vitamins which have the normal dose), ditto baby aspirin, watching the caffeine, alcohol etc. (there is a whole post on this, I think).

I'm not sure what to think. I really, really don't want to have another miscarriage in the middle of the adoption process again, nor do I want to put it on hold because of another pregnancy, only to have another miscarriage and (likely) a break in the adoption process because either we or the agency are unwilling to continue so soon after a loss (it's just as likely to be us as the agency).

But then I don't know how far we are into the process, how long it is going to take, what the gaps are likely to be, and also whether there is any chance of us ever getting pregnant again.

I am pretty sure we'll have a six month or so wait after agency approval while the UK government gets its act together. I am also quite sure I wouldn't want to be holding off for all that time. Likewise, if we're waiting for a placement, frankly, I think I would take a placement if we were newly pregnant, and just let people think what they think if the pregnancy works out, while hoping I'm too sleep deprived to care if it doesn't.

Until we get to those stages, I have a feeling there will be a lot of "hurry up and wait". But as I have said, even the fact that we are talking about taking a break seems huge. I actually thought that I would be getting to our five-year point - which would be in September - and going "just another month, let's give it one more". And I'm not. I really want to forge ahead with the adoption RIGHT NOW. But Mr. Spouse is no help at all - all he has to say is "I don't know" and "It would be really stressful if we got pregnant".


Anonymous said...

Firstly, my word verification is 'Venom'. Nice.

Hmmm. Toughie. I would be inclined to try every avenue, and see what works first. If it happens together, then... pregnancy and adoption do not seem utterly mututally exclusive to me. Incredibly hard work, yes. But not impossible concurrently.

Whenever John has no opinion, I always count it as one for my side, and continue with my preferred course of action, happy in the knowledge he has no real grounds for reproach!

Country Chick said...

I know just how you feel, and did in fact have a 7th miscarriage during the adoption process, because I couldn't quite stop trying to get pregnant still. I know our agency would've taken a very dim view as it would have undermined our commitment to the adoption process in their eyes. But I was committed, and we now have our son and I am safe in the knowledge that I didn't 'miss out' on the chance of a birth baby. Hope that makes some sense or is helpful in some way to you.

DD said...

Would it be difficult? Sure.

Will you have to live down living the stereotype (adopt and you'll get pregnant!)? Yep.

Life is too short to count on "what ifs".

Anonymous said...

What the others said.

Also, I have cheerfully taken to loudly announcing to H that if he doesn't have a strong opinion we'll do it my way, and this leads to either instant agreement or instant production of the strong opinion he had after all, so...

Best of British, whatever you decide.