Why do I do this to myself?

Period due today or tomorrow (most of my recent cycles have been 29 days but my breasts were sore very early 2 weeks ago so possibly today). Decided that as we're taking two months off and I had a FR test which expires next month, why not use it.

This of course causes me to wake up extra early and lie there being anxious. If I get up and test, will I be able to go back to sleep? If I don't get up and test, will I be able to go back to sleep? Are my stomach cramps due to complete inactivity in my digestive system (see, symptom spotting), the apricots I ate yesterday to ease that, or my period about to start? If I get up and test, will it wake Mr Spouse? If I tell him I'm testing, will he worry needlessly too?

So (comedy of errors begins here) I get up and pee into a specimen bottle we have in the medicine cabinet (don't ask). Go back to bed and still can't sleep. Get up and very quietly retrieve test from drawer. Dip in bottle and it is negative of course. Realise am also likely to wake Mr Spouse if I put the test box back in the drawer so decide to conceal it in spare room (his dressing room) in box of spare sheets which is on the table. Go back to bed and sleep, thankfully.

After Mr Spouse has left for work, get up and shower etc., still very tired, decide to retrieve test box and put in bin. Box of spare sheets no longer on table. Mr Spouse has tidied it away. Look under first sheet - not there. Look under second sheet - not there. Now I know it's not exactly healthy to conceal these things from one's husband, but I know he knows I do more tests than I tell him about and I know he worries just as much as me so I might as well just have one of us worrying. Look a bit harder - box still there. Box now in bin.