- Months spent in Southern California: 7.5
- Miles on our year-old car when we bought it: 6,000
- Miles we've driven on our year-old car: 7000
- US$ amount lost on the sale of our car: not telling
- GBP amount lost on the sale of our car: considerably less owing to more favourable exchange rate at purchase
- Amount made on sale of random goods on Craigslist and at yard sale: approx $700. Guess people are buying second hand goods these days. But not clothes, even some of our stuff that's in really good condition, strangely.
- Trips outside the Californias: 1 (and that last week, to Colorado for a conference. Brr.)
- Trips within the Californias: 6 - 4 in SoCal and 2 in Baja.
- Useless OPK sticks: many, many.
- OPK sticks that actually worked: about 6
- Useless pregnancy tests: about 4
- Progesterone supplement tablets left over: about 30 i.e. a month's supply
- Months spent trying to get pregnant: 6
- Months spent NOT trying to get pregnant: 1
- Days till I leave work: 2
- Papers written since I have been here: approximately 5
- Grant proposals written since I have been here: approximately 3
- Days till we leave SoCal: 3
- Days till we leave NoCal where we are stopping over: 7
- Adoption agencies contacted: approx 20
- Adoption agencies in the US who have replied to us to say they cannot work with us: approx 8
- Adoption agencies in the US who have not replied to us: approx 10
- Adoption agencies in the US who have replied to say they CAN work with us: 2
- Number of these that are in California: 0
- Social workers who have said they can do our US home study in the UK: 1 (and that's the only one I contacted)
- Adoption agencies in the UK who have said that they can work with us: 1 (the non-UK work is parcelled out geographically so it's not too surprising that there is only one)
- High today in SoCal: 18C (low 12C)
- High today in NW England: 13C (low 4C)
- Approximate winter low in SoCal: 4C
- Number of radiators in our house in SoCal: 0
- Number of radiators in our house in NW England: er, 10?
- Approximate thickness of walls in our house in SoCal: 0.02mm
- Approximate thickness of walls in our house in NW England: 1m
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Numbers
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Can't buy you love, or can it?
I was having coffee (well, chai latte, if you must know) today with the very delightful Sam, and the topic of money came up. I have not spoken at all about our new plans to my mother (regular readers will have an inkling why), but I know she was on the verge of offering to pay for IVF at various points in the past, and I have a feeling she will be more pleased about our new plans. In some ways that is why I am not mentioning them - especially not until they become more concrete. But her mention of David Miliband gives me a clue (and incidentally, at the time he adopted, there was nothing to stop non-US citizens going down the same route), and I think she realises it costs a fair bit and she often says "well, you'll have it anyway some day".
When I left home my parents paid my maintenance until I graduated from my undergraduate degree (there were no fees in those days) and my grandparents gave me a credit card while I was volunteering as a high school teacher in Zambia (I used it to buy dollar-priced sugar, at times the only kind we could get, as well as chocolate, cheese, and biscuits. Oddly I lost about a stone that year). I then fell on the mercies of the Medical Research Council, who funded my PhD, and after that have been gainfully employed, or for a couple of brief periods have had savings to draw on. I have not lived at home since I was 18; Mr. Spouse lived at home till he was, I think, nearly 30, but paid his parents rent and after about 5 years working was earning more than them.
My brother on the other hand seems to have been on a rubber band until about 6 or 7 years ago; he still keeps some books at our mother's house, and alternated between the two parental houses for the first 5 or so years after undergraduate. I don't know about his financial affairs after that and before getting married but I do know he has my mother's credit card (he is 39), has been known to use it without asking (the understanding is that it's for locally bought presents for the nieces, almost exclusively), and she often pays for his flights to see her.
Now, my father has also offered to pay school fees for the nieces to attend a bilingual school in their area. I could not work out why I thought this was a good thing - perhaps just because I approve of the school - but not of the smaller amounts for the credit card in particular, and for the odd other payment he "can't quite make". But a wise friend in the computer has suggested perhaps it is because it is a big, group-type thing - the ultimate education of my nieces being important to the family as a whole, and not something any one section of the family may be able to accomplish. So perhaps if it is offered, help with adoption costs would not be such a bad thing to refuse.
I'm very curious, though, about my readers (hello, I do have some, don't I? Or is Google Reader/Bloglines failing to update my feed? I know Reader takes hours if not a day sometimes). Do you receive financial help from your family, or do you give it? What are your parameters? What do you see yourself doing for your own children?
When I left home my parents paid my maintenance until I graduated from my undergraduate degree (there were no fees in those days) and my grandparents gave me a credit card while I was volunteering as a high school teacher in Zambia (I used it to buy dollar-priced sugar, at times the only kind we could get, as well as chocolate, cheese, and biscuits. Oddly I lost about a stone that year). I then fell on the mercies of the Medical Research Council, who funded my PhD, and after that have been gainfully employed, or for a couple of brief periods have had savings to draw on. I have not lived at home since I was 18; Mr. Spouse lived at home till he was, I think, nearly 30, but paid his parents rent and after about 5 years working was earning more than them.
My brother on the other hand seems to have been on a rubber band until about 6 or 7 years ago; he still keeps some books at our mother's house, and alternated between the two parental houses for the first 5 or so years after undergraduate. I don't know about his financial affairs after that and before getting married but I do know he has my mother's credit card (he is 39), has been known to use it without asking (the understanding is that it's for locally bought presents for the nieces, almost exclusively), and she often pays for his flights to see her.
Now, my father has also offered to pay school fees for the nieces to attend a bilingual school in their area. I could not work out why I thought this was a good thing - perhaps just because I approve of the school - but not of the smaller amounts for the credit card in particular, and for the odd other payment he "can't quite make". But a wise friend in the computer has suggested perhaps it is because it is a big, group-type thing - the ultimate education of my nieces being important to the family as a whole, and not something any one section of the family may be able to accomplish. So perhaps if it is offered, help with adoption costs would not be such a bad thing to refuse.
I'm very curious, though, about my readers (hello, I do have some, don't I? Or is Google Reader/Bloglines failing to update my feed? I know Reader takes hours if not a day sometimes). Do you receive financial help from your family, or do you give it? What are your parameters? What do you see yourself doing for your own children?
Thursday, March 26, 2009
After the equivalent of very many two-week waits...
Finally, a couple of weeks ago, we got the news we'd been waiting for - that it is likely to be possible for us, from the UK point of view, to do a non-Hague adoption from the US. The solicitor's advice was pretty clear and indications are she knows what she's talking about but the firm took weeks to acknowledge our question, weeks to acknowledge they'd received our payment, and weeks after they'd said they would give us information to actually provide it.
That was why I was being a bit cryptic in this post. I was not yet sure at that point what this would mean for us - especially as we had already started trying to restart the fostering process.
However, and I see no point in keeping you in suspenders for any longer, it looks like that won't happen. After posting about that last week, we found out that our application had indeed been closed, not due to lack of contact from us but due to reorganisation on their part. They are not now taking applications for respite carers - which was our initial plan. I assumed they wouldn't accept us as short term carers, since we'd both be working full time, but on speaking to them again they back pedalled a bit and I think realised they probably have wasted a course on us, and said that might still be possible. But with this new news we don't feel inclined. Even if it ends up meaning UK adoption from foster care, we just want to get on with it.
As Mr. Spouse said, "it's a sign".
(You know he meant that tongue in cheek, don't you? Like Irish people are allowed to call themselves Micks, and the rest of us aren't, people brought up in a scary evangelical church are allowed to wave their hands and say "it's a sign" in an ironic manner, without offending anyone.)
So the last few days I've been trying to concentrate on work and wrapping up here, while actually searching for agencies that may take us on (one in Texas has done quite a bit of expat work, but not Hague work, but then we wouldn't be Hague; others have done Hague but not expats; and we are not sure whether we wouldn't prefer a California agency as it's got a big population and our family is here).
We've worked out which UK agency would do that side of the approval and boy, it's another world - they have one preparation course timetabled every month this year, even if they don't all run or aren't suitable for us.
So - I am feeling a bit giddy. I was supposed to have an appointment with the RE and I cancelled (which meant we didn't have to pay our premium for March, so, er, more money towards adoption travel I suppose!). I will be away for about 5 days mid-month this month and I thought "oh well, no need to use the supplements in the 2ww this month". This feels absolutely huge to me - that I can have a break and not feel panicky - even if it is just a temporary break. Huge.
That was why I was being a bit cryptic in this post. I was not yet sure at that point what this would mean for us - especially as we had already started trying to restart the fostering process.
However, and I see no point in keeping you in suspenders for any longer, it looks like that won't happen. After posting about that last week, we found out that our application had indeed been closed, not due to lack of contact from us but due to reorganisation on their part. They are not now taking applications for respite carers - which was our initial plan. I assumed they wouldn't accept us as short term carers, since we'd both be working full time, but on speaking to them again they back pedalled a bit and I think realised they probably have wasted a course on us, and said that might still be possible. But with this new news we don't feel inclined. Even if it ends up meaning UK adoption from foster care, we just want to get on with it.
As Mr. Spouse said, "it's a sign".
(You know he meant that tongue in cheek, don't you? Like Irish people are allowed to call themselves Micks, and the rest of us aren't, people brought up in a scary evangelical church are allowed to wave their hands and say "it's a sign" in an ironic manner, without offending anyone.)
So the last few days I've been trying to concentrate on work and wrapping up here, while actually searching for agencies that may take us on (one in Texas has done quite a bit of expat work, but not Hague work, but then we wouldn't be Hague; others have done Hague but not expats; and we are not sure whether we wouldn't prefer a California agency as it's got a big population and our family is here).
We've worked out which UK agency would do that side of the approval and boy, it's another world - they have one preparation course timetabled every month this year, even if they don't all run or aren't suitable for us.
So - I am feeling a bit giddy. I was supposed to have an appointment with the RE and I cancelled (which meant we didn't have to pay our premium for March, so, er, more money towards adoption travel I suppose!). I will be away for about 5 days mid-month this month and I thought "oh well, no need to use the supplements in the 2ww this month". This feels absolutely huge to me - that I can have a break and not feel panicky - even if it is just a temporary break. Huge.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Score!
April is a good time to move from the US to the UK if you are infertile. I'm missing the consumer circus of both Mother's Days.
Bizarrely my slacker brother reminded me of the UK one by sending me a link to a Mr T video on how to treat your mother (I am not clever and cannot work out how to embed but it is here), and then didn't call her himself. I, however, am daughter of the year and did call, and Mr. Spouse called his (who wouldn't understand the country differences). So halos all round.
Except for my mother who said right at the end of our phone call "oh, I do hope you get to celebrate Mother's Day yourself one day".
Sniff.
Bizarrely my slacker brother reminded me of the UK one by sending me a link to a Mr T video on how to treat your mother (I am not clever and cannot work out how to embed but it is here), and then didn't call her himself. I, however, am daughter of the year and did call, and Mr. Spouse called his (who wouldn't understand the country differences). So halos all round.
Except for my mother who said right at the end of our phone call "oh, I do hope you get to celebrate Mother's Day yourself one day".
Sniff.
Existential questions
Who am I? Where do I live? Where am I resident? Where am I domiciled??
These and other tricky questions were puzzling us while we tried to work out the answer to our first question, in the previous post. Even if we are physically in the US, Mr. Spouse is not a resident (he goes by the lovely phrase "non-resident alien", and I have to remind him to keep the antennae hidden). I think we are actually domiciled in the US at the moment, but normally in the UK, and these things will be important as you'll see in the moment.
In April 2008 the US ratified the Hague Convention and this means that for non-US persons adoption of a US child (and vice versa) should not take place if there's no available parent in country. However, the US considers some citizens who aren't physically present in the US (e.g. military) to be still domiciled and - crucially for us - if you are intending to come back to the US and establish a domicile before any child is 18, you are also a "non-Hague case". This means you can go through the regular US domestic adoption procedures.
However, because we can't stay here long enough to get by without going through UK procedures, and since the UK is also a Hague signatory (I feel so clever bandying these phrases around!), it also matters what the UK thinks: will they accept a family adopting from a Hague country, but through a non-Hague process. At this point we stalled. We found a referral to a UK adoption lawyer in about November and they just kept being Very Very Slow and not answering our questions and then asking us for a lot of money and then not acknowledging that we'd sent the money and we had no idea what was happening. I think this is probably why I had not owned up to all this complicated legal research and the faint hope we had, because it was taking so long and was so tenuous. In fact, at this point I was really thinking "well, the fostering will work, we'll get our home study done PDQ when we get home, how fabulous". And then we got last week's fostering news...
More to follow...
These and other tricky questions were puzzling us while we tried to work out the answer to our first question, in the previous post. Even if we are physically in the US, Mr. Spouse is not a resident (he goes by the lovely phrase "non-resident alien", and I have to remind him to keep the antennae hidden). I think we are actually domiciled in the US at the moment, but normally in the UK, and these things will be important as you'll see in the moment.
In April 2008 the US ratified the Hague Convention and this means that for non-US persons adoption of a US child (and vice versa) should not take place if there's no available parent in country. However, the US considers some citizens who aren't physically present in the US (e.g. military) to be still domiciled and - crucially for us - if you are intending to come back to the US and establish a domicile before any child is 18, you are also a "non-Hague case". This means you can go through the regular US domestic adoption procedures.
However, because we can't stay here long enough to get by without going through UK procedures, and since the UK is also a Hague signatory (I feel so clever bandying these phrases around!), it also matters what the UK thinks: will they accept a family adopting from a Hague country, but through a non-Hague process. At this point we stalled. We found a referral to a UK adoption lawyer in about November and they just kept being Very Very Slow and not answering our questions and then asking us for a lot of money and then not acknowledging that we'd sent the money and we had no idea what was happening. I think this is probably why I had not owned up to all this complicated legal research and the faint hope we had, because it was taking so long and was so tenuous. In fact, at this point I was really thinking "well, the fostering will work, we'll get our home study done PDQ when we get home, how fabulous". And then we got last week's fostering news...
More to follow...
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Spinning...
That's my head, what with not knowing whether we are coming or going.
This is going to be a long story, so forgive me if I start it and leave you hanging.
Question 1, which we asked way back in about September when we first got to the US (and which I'd been musing over since probably last summer). I feel oddly guilty about this and I'm not sure if it's because I haven't shared it with my lovely readers, or if it's because the whole idea seems, in some senses, like a cop-out. Too easy. Think of the children in foster care.
Suppose we decided to stay in the US (after all, we were about to get, and indeed did get, an exciting new government). Suppose I applied for a job here and Mr Spouse got a green card (or even citizenship!). Or suppose we (or at least I) didn't get jobs but we applied for domestic adoption here and had a miraculously quick placement - are we eligible since we haven't been resident here long? could we legally take the baby back to the UK? would we be likely to be picked by a birth mother anyway if we're maybe going to take the baby away?
So, we went to an adoption panel locally and pestered Nice Attorney with questions - the answer to the last one, he feels at least, is Yes because we have Good Accents and people like the UK. So at least that's payback for all the "oh, you're South African" or "Oh, how come you have such a nice accent, you must practice all the time".
And the answer to the first and second suppositions turned out to be the economy, stupid. Mr. Spouse is not going to get a job here, I'm not going to get a job at my level here (or maybe I would, but there's no way it would be as family friendly - 12 months maternity leave) as in the UK, and even if I did, and he decided to study instead of working, we wouldn't be able to afford any of it.
So, we were left with "apply, rush it through, and hope they'll let us take the baby home". Which led us to a lot of legal questions, a lot of internet research from Mr. "Amateur legal expert" Spouse, and a bit of a dead end. UK law only allows a child adopted overseas while you are living overseas to come back to the UK 12 months after the adoption is finalised (which in our state is 6 months after the birth, and I think that's standard).
OK, sorry to leave you hanging there, and there is more to this story, but I have to say that my complicated multi-collaborator application I'm writing is simpler and will make my brain hurt less.
This is going to be a long story, so forgive me if I start it and leave you hanging.
Question 1, which we asked way back in about September when we first got to the US (and which I'd been musing over since probably last summer). I feel oddly guilty about this and I'm not sure if it's because I haven't shared it with my lovely readers, or if it's because the whole idea seems, in some senses, like a cop-out. Too easy. Think of the children in foster care.
Suppose we decided to stay in the US (after all, we were about to get, and indeed did get, an exciting new government). Suppose I applied for a job here and Mr Spouse got a green card (or even citizenship!). Or suppose we (or at least I) didn't get jobs but we applied for domestic adoption here and had a miraculously quick placement - are we eligible since we haven't been resident here long? could we legally take the baby back to the UK? would we be likely to be picked by a birth mother anyway if we're maybe going to take the baby away?
So, we went to an adoption panel locally and pestered Nice Attorney with questions - the answer to the last one, he feels at least, is Yes because we have Good Accents and people like the UK. So at least that's payback for all the "oh, you're South African" or "Oh, how come you have such a nice accent, you must practice all the time".
And the answer to the first and second suppositions turned out to be the economy, stupid. Mr. Spouse is not going to get a job here, I'm not going to get a job at my level here (or maybe I would, but there's no way it would be as family friendly - 12 months maternity leave) as in the UK, and even if I did, and he decided to study instead of working, we wouldn't be able to afford any of it.
So, we were left with "apply, rush it through, and hope they'll let us take the baby home". Which led us to a lot of legal questions, a lot of internet research from Mr. "Amateur legal expert" Spouse, and a bit of a dead end. UK law only allows a child adopted overseas while you are living overseas to come back to the UK 12 months after the adoption is finalised (which in our state is 6 months after the birth, and I think that's standard).
OK, sorry to leave you hanging there, and there is more to this story, but I have to say that my complicated multi-collaborator application I'm writing is simpler and will make my brain hurt less.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Well, I thought that was too good to be true!
We just got a letter from Contract Social Worker to say "are you still intending to apply to foster, I'm still intending to do your home study"
("I don't get paid till I do...")
So, we rang her and told her when we were coming back, she explained she'd been doing a full weekend and polishing it off with everyone else, we suggested a Thurs night through Sat timetable and said we'd ring her back when we get home.
I then realised that if I wait to do that, work will suck away any Fridays that might be free, so Mr. Spouse rang her today. Apparently we "need to re-apply" (or, she has suggested, we can apply to "private fostering agencies").
Er, no, I don't think so. We passed our course, the county team knew we were going away, and they knew for how long. Other people on the course had done half the course over a year earlier and completed with us.
I interpret this as the county saying "Hello, you say you're Contract Social Worker? Who? What were you doing for us again? (oh, her, we'd forgotten she was still under contract... we have our own social workers free now) erm... don't bother".
I'm not panicking, don't worry. Though I did for a minute think, what if we didn't bother with the fostering and just went ahead to adoption, would the adoption agency even know?
("I don't get paid till I do...")
So, we rang her and told her when we were coming back, she explained she'd been doing a full weekend and polishing it off with everyone else, we suggested a Thurs night through Sat timetable and said we'd ring her back when we get home.
I then realised that if I wait to do that, work will suck away any Fridays that might be free, so Mr. Spouse rang her today. Apparently we "need to re-apply" (or, she has suggested, we can apply to "private fostering agencies").
Er, no, I don't think so. We passed our course, the county team knew we were going away, and they knew for how long. Other people on the course had done half the course over a year earlier and completed with us.
I interpret this as the county saying "Hello, you say you're Contract Social Worker? Who? What were you doing for us again? (oh, her, we'd forgotten she was still under contract... we have our own social workers free now) erm... don't bother".
I'm not panicking, don't worry. Though I did for a minute think, what if we didn't bother with the fostering and just went ahead to adoption, would the adoption agency even know?
Monday, March 16, 2009
Sorry...
There isn't going to be an update just at the moment on that particular bit of news, possibly in the next month, possibly not till we get home to the UK (in exactly a month's time, in fact).
In other news, I know I am a very sad, obsessed, person because I am very happy when I feel cramping when I use my pessary thingys - not because I particularly think "cramping = implanting", it's much too immediate on a daily basis for it to be anything other than direct drug action - but because I think, gosh, they must be doing something.
In other news, I know I am a very sad, obsessed, person because I am very happy when I feel cramping when I use my pessary thingys - not because I particularly think "cramping = implanting", it's much too immediate on a daily basis for it to be anything other than direct drug action - but because I think, gosh, they must be doing something.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Weird
I have just had some weird news - which may be good, or may be just frustrating or tantalising. I've been waiting for information on this for a while, but I'm afraid I can't share it with you just yet, nor may I ever be able to. Sorry about that - but I have only just got this, it's the middle of the working day, and I just feel like sitting here and shaking for a bit, definitely not like working.
So I just thought I'd leave you all even more frustrated than me.
So I just thought I'd leave you all even more frustrated than me.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
(Non-)parental advisory
One of our favourite Channel 4 programmes, Shameless, is not officially available over here, but there are ways. The episode synopsis for the last episode we watched kind of gave the game away, and the same theme also seems to be coming up in Big Love (if you aren't up to date on either show, please look away now).
Both shows are featuring miscarriage - what's more, of an unexpected or unwanted pregnancy. Now, for a long time, I have noticed that books and movies have been using what I like to call "Pregnancy As Dramatic Device" and possibly more recently (or possibly I have been noticing more) they have started working out that not everyone who gets pregnant actually has a baby, so have been slipping in little miscarriages here and there (in fact, in Shameless, the character hadn't announced a pregnancy on the show yet). Sometimes they warn viewers in the synopsis - but not everyone reads the synopsis.
I think it's time to create a whole new set of advisory/rating labels for films, TV, and books. Perhaps you'd like to borrow them for your blog? I apologise for my lack of artistic ability - if I was any good, I'd have made new labels to fit in with one consistent theme - these are from a variety of countries. But anyway, here's my attempt:
Pregnancy mentioned.
Teenage pregnancy mentioned.
Unwanted pregnancy mentioned.
Unwanted or abused child or children mentioned.
Adoption mentioned, usually with not very much factual background (see: Juno).
After adoption, couple magically become pregnant.
Couple relax, stop trying to get pregnant, and magically become parents.
Couple have been trying to get pregnant for 12 years and magically become pregnant.
Miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss mentioned.
Couple or (more usually) individual with no children is bequeathed children by a friend in their will or becomes responsible for a neighbour's children. Despite having no experience with children and said children having been violently bereaved or neglected the children bond to their new parent immediately and are charming and lovely.
Any more you'd like to add? Do chip in - I have mainly stopped here because I have run out of ideas for the letters I have, but there are several more out there (I can't think what to do with G, for example). You can make up new letters, too, if you like (there is no M in the current UK or US classification, that one is from Australia, and the A and AA are old UK letters).
Both shows are featuring miscarriage - what's more, of an unexpected or unwanted pregnancy. Now, for a long time, I have noticed that books and movies have been using what I like to call "Pregnancy As Dramatic Device" and possibly more recently (or possibly I have been noticing more) they have started working out that not everyone who gets pregnant actually has a baby, so have been slipping in little miscarriages here and there (in fact, in Shameless, the character hadn't announced a pregnancy on the show yet). Sometimes they warn viewers in the synopsis - but not everyone reads the synopsis.
I think it's time to create a whole new set of advisory/rating labels for films, TV, and books. Perhaps you'd like to borrow them for your blog? I apologise for my lack of artistic ability - if I was any good, I'd have made new labels to fit in with one consistent theme - these are from a variety of countries. But anyway, here's my attempt:
Pregnancy mentioned.
Teenage pregnancy mentioned.
Unwanted pregnancy mentioned.
Unwanted or abused child or children mentioned.
Adoption mentioned, usually with not very much factual background (see: Juno).
After adoption, couple magically become pregnant.
Couple relax, stop trying to get pregnant, and magically become parents.
Couple have been trying to get pregnant for 12 years and magically become pregnant.
Miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss mentioned.
Couple or (more usually) individual with no children is bequeathed children by a friend in their will or becomes responsible for a neighbour's children. Despite having no experience with children and said children having been violently bereaved or neglected the children bond to their new parent immediately and are charming and lovely.Any more you'd like to add? Do chip in - I have mainly stopped here because I have run out of ideas for the letters I have, but there are several more out there (I can't think what to do with G, for example). You can make up new letters, too, if you like (there is no M in the current UK or US classification, that one is from Australia, and the A and AA are old UK letters).
Friday, February 27, 2009
Adoption order not to be overturned
Slightly old news, but I've been mulling over this, and something that the very wise Thanksgiving Mom said clicked for me, so thought I'd blog about aspects of this case. It's been rather overshadowed in the blogosphere by the octuplets - I can only find a couple of ranty journalists and some legal types who've blogged about it.
Anyway, briefly in my understanding, the couple had their three children removed at the ages of approximately 1, 3, and 5 (all under 6 at least, and the youngest was 1). There was suspicion of non-accidental injury and no other good reason for the injuries seen, at least at the time. Normally if there is no reason to think that the birth family have changed then a permanency plan should be made within about 6 months (social worker drag notwithstanding) and finding a family and placement within about a year. Commentators have said "that's so quick if nothing could be proven". No, it's not quick - it's actually SLOW for a one-year-old. That's another whole half of their entire life during which they have uncertainty and are living with a temporary family and have no clue what is happening to them.
Ideally all three children would have been placed together, and I don't know if efforts were made to do this, but groups of three children are hard to find places for, healthy under-twos are easy to do so, but some families are happy to take 2 preschool siblings, which the older two were probably just about at this stage. They were found 2 adopted homes and formally adopted. They are now legally the children of their adoptive parents - they now have different legal parents.
Now all the debate has been about how wrong this is, with the majority of opinion coming down on the side of "it was a miscarriage of justice for the parents so it should be overturned" with added "only their birth parents can possibly love them" remix.
Thanksgiving Mom's post speaks to this. She says that she cannot imagine anyone else loving her Cupcake more than she does - but she knows that Cupcake's adoptive mother will feel exactly the same.
So, legally, and I feel in the best interests of the children, the adoption orders will not be overturned. I know I have a lot of readers who will agree with this next point:
It does not matter at all what the best interests or the legal position is of either birth or adoptive parents - it is what is best for the children that matters.
My understanding is that adoption orders would only be overturned in the same sorts of circumstances as those in which a birth child would be removed from their birth parents.
In this case, the children have all been away from their birth parents for more than half their lives (if I've done my calculations correctly), and the younger two have been with their adoptive parents for more than half their lives. Moving to a different home at a young age is disruptive enough - moving back would be worse. Children do not understand the reasons behind being moved against their will (and being moved from the only parents they remember will be against their will), and however loving their "next" set of parents would be, they would still think they could be moved again, they would still feel the situation was not permanent, and they would still worry that if they were naughty they could be "sent away" again.
In an ideal world (and some enlightened commentators on some of the broadsheet versions of the story have said this, in slightly different words), the children would have face-to-face contact with the birth family. For many families where the birth parents are even somewhat more dangerous than these birth parents (at least, if the latest evidence is true - I have no reason to believe it isn't), this happens. When I say dangerous, I don't mean they are likely to physically abuse the children in the presence of a facilitating social worker or adoptive parent, I have more in mind the possibility that the birth parent will behave in a rather immature manner with inappropriate conversations, or simply failing to turn up.
It seems as if these birth parents could potentially have mature face-to-face contact, but all sides would need to be clear that the children are not going back to the birth parents, at least not until they are 18. In an ideal (given the horrible background) world it might be possible to have something approaching US-style open adoption - but this would probably only work if the birth parents could accept that this was the best (from their point of view) they were going to get. On another recent case, a researcher has commented that perhaps grandparents (and other kin who cannot have custody) need not necessarily be willing to state up front that "yes, this is the best placement for the children". But I'm not completely sure. Is it good for a child to have contact with someone who repeatedly says "you'd be better off with me, I'm your real family", when professionals have decided that is not happening?
I'll remain agnostic on that point, but perhaps my commenters won't.
Anyway, briefly in my understanding, the couple had their three children removed at the ages of approximately 1, 3, and 5 (all under 6 at least, and the youngest was 1). There was suspicion of non-accidental injury and no other good reason for the injuries seen, at least at the time. Normally if there is no reason to think that the birth family have changed then a permanency plan should be made within about 6 months (social worker drag notwithstanding) and finding a family and placement within about a year. Commentators have said "that's so quick if nothing could be proven". No, it's not quick - it's actually SLOW for a one-year-old. That's another whole half of their entire life during which they have uncertainty and are living with a temporary family and have no clue what is happening to them.
Ideally all three children would have been placed together, and I don't know if efforts were made to do this, but groups of three children are hard to find places for, healthy under-twos are easy to do so, but some families are happy to take 2 preschool siblings, which the older two were probably just about at this stage. They were found 2 adopted homes and formally adopted. They are now legally the children of their adoptive parents - they now have different legal parents.
Now all the debate has been about how wrong this is, with the majority of opinion coming down on the side of "it was a miscarriage of justice for the parents so it should be overturned" with added "only their birth parents can possibly love them" remix.
Thanksgiving Mom's post speaks to this. She says that she cannot imagine anyone else loving her Cupcake more than she does - but she knows that Cupcake's adoptive mother will feel exactly the same.
So, legally, and I feel in the best interests of the children, the adoption orders will not be overturned. I know I have a lot of readers who will agree with this next point:
It does not matter at all what the best interests or the legal position is of either birth or adoptive parents - it is what is best for the children that matters.
My understanding is that adoption orders would only be overturned in the same sorts of circumstances as those in which a birth child would be removed from their birth parents.
In this case, the children have all been away from their birth parents for more than half their lives (if I've done my calculations correctly), and the younger two have been with their adoptive parents for more than half their lives. Moving to a different home at a young age is disruptive enough - moving back would be worse. Children do not understand the reasons behind being moved against their will (and being moved from the only parents they remember will be against their will), and however loving their "next" set of parents would be, they would still think they could be moved again, they would still feel the situation was not permanent, and they would still worry that if they were naughty they could be "sent away" again.
In an ideal world (and some enlightened commentators on some of the broadsheet versions of the story have said this, in slightly different words), the children would have face-to-face contact with the birth family. For many families where the birth parents are even somewhat more dangerous than these birth parents (at least, if the latest evidence is true - I have no reason to believe it isn't), this happens. When I say dangerous, I don't mean they are likely to physically abuse the children in the presence of a facilitating social worker or adoptive parent, I have more in mind the possibility that the birth parent will behave in a rather immature manner with inappropriate conversations, or simply failing to turn up.
It seems as if these birth parents could potentially have mature face-to-face contact, but all sides would need to be clear that the children are not going back to the birth parents, at least not until they are 18. In an ideal (given the horrible background) world it might be possible to have something approaching US-style open adoption - but this would probably only work if the birth parents could accept that this was the best (from their point of view) they were going to get. On another recent case, a researcher has commented that perhaps grandparents (and other kin who cannot have custody) need not necessarily be willing to state up front that "yes, this is the best placement for the children". But I'm not completely sure. Is it good for a child to have contact with someone who repeatedly says "you'd be better off with me, I'm your real family", when professionals have decided that is not happening?
I'll remain agnostic on that point, but perhaps my commenters won't.
Coffee
After my bout of heartburn over the weekend, I've decided to give up caffeinated coffee for Lent. OK, this is a little contradictory, as I know that decaf is also supposed to cause problems due to the coffee oil, and my interim measure was to drink it milky, and I also know that milk (despite the received wisdom) is not great for heartburn either.
I'm also not in any way convinced it would make any difference to our current inability to get pregnant - as Shaz says, better to take up drinking and recreational drugs.
However, I want to make a small change, but am very sleepy today - so, hello, chai latte.
And if anyone calls it a "chai tea", I'll whack them on the head with a dictionary from basically any Asian language or one of a selection of African ones. Why not have a "caffe coffee" instead?
I'm also not in any way convinced it would make any difference to our current inability to get pregnant - as Shaz says, better to take up drinking and recreational drugs.
However, I want to make a small change, but am very sleepy today - so, hello, chai latte.
And if anyone calls it a "chai tea", I'll whack them on the head with a dictionary from basically any Asian language or one of a selection of African ones. Why not have a "caffe coffee" instead?
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
In which a health insurance company actually says something helpful
We have another 2 months here in the US but our health insurance is SO expensive and we have emergency cover from the UK, so Mr Spouse asked me whether I had any more upcoming appointments in March or whether it was going to be possible to cancel it.
I had the brilliant idea of calling them to ask (!) what would happen if we failed to renew, as we know that my short appointments are not that expensive out-of-pocket, but I wouldn't want to be taken off as a patient. In fact, if we wait till the end of March before paying March's bill and then call to cancel, they will actually charge us the lesser of a month's bill or the actual cost of services. Can you believe it? I was amazed.
In other news, a word to my body. This is how you are supposed to do a period:
Day 0/28: Spotting, if you absolutely have to.
Day 1: Heavy bleeding, require new tampon every 2-3 hours, large pad at night, fully able to go out of the house and stuff like that. Perhaps some Advil.
Day 2: Repeat, smaller pad at night.
Day 3: Smaller tampons, no pad at night.
Day 4-5: Spotting - liners possibly required.
This is NOT how you do it:
Days 22-24: Spotting, getting heavier.
Day 25/1: Dark blood but tampon definitely required. Also my birthday. Did I mention that? Now counting this as day 1.
Day 2: Heavier, as normal day 1.
Day 3: Sit down to breakfast out of hotel room, finish eating, feel awful, go back to hotel room, have soaked through tampon and stained jeans. Make it to convenience store for additional supplies but then lie down for rest of morning. Now afraid to stray more than 5 minutes from a loo for rest of day. Strangely almost nothing at night.
Day 4: Flow almost finished and just need liner.
Day 5: Don't even need liner.
I'm not quite sure what my body is on, but it also seems to involve heartburn, though that could be the many drinks I had to drown my sorrows at being Awfully Old, or (more worryingly) the baby aspirin.
I had the brilliant idea of calling them to ask (!) what would happen if we failed to renew, as we know that my short appointments are not that expensive out-of-pocket, but I wouldn't want to be taken off as a patient. In fact, if we wait till the end of March before paying March's bill and then call to cancel, they will actually charge us the lesser of a month's bill or the actual cost of services. Can you believe it? I was amazed.
In other news, a word to my body. This is how you are supposed to do a period:
Day 0/28: Spotting, if you absolutely have to.
Day 1: Heavy bleeding, require new tampon every 2-3 hours, large pad at night, fully able to go out of the house and stuff like that. Perhaps some Advil.
Day 2: Repeat, smaller pad at night.
Day 3: Smaller tampons, no pad at night.
Day 4-5: Spotting - liners possibly required.
This is NOT how you do it:
Days 22-24: Spotting, getting heavier.
Day 25/1: Dark blood but tampon definitely required. Also my birthday. Did I mention that? Now counting this as day 1.
Day 2: Heavier, as normal day 1.
Day 3: Sit down to breakfast out of hotel room, finish eating, feel awful, go back to hotel room, have soaked through tampon and stained jeans. Make it to convenience store for additional supplies but then lie down for rest of morning. Now afraid to stray more than 5 minutes from a loo for rest of day. Strangely almost nothing at night.
Day 4: Flow almost finished and just need liner.
Day 5: Don't even need liner.
I'm not quite sure what my body is on, but it also seems to involve heartburn, though that could be the many drinks I had to drown my sorrows at being Awfully Old, or (more worryingly) the baby aspirin.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
First I was afraid, I was petrified...
OK that isn't too relevant to the post but it's been running round my head and so I thought I'd give you lovely people the chance to have an earworm too.
Well, anyway, I did survive - my first ever baby shower. We go to a wine tasting group once a month and one couple are expecting their first baby and the organiser suggested we combine the events. Not exactly something to look forward to, though I do enjoy the wine tastings, and it was pointed out to me by Mr. Spouse and others that the large number of men there meant there would be less cooing and oohing and ahing than there might have been. We knew there would be no silly games; the setup was that anyone wanting to give a gift would place it in a basket near the door and they would be opened late in the evening, probably after all the wines had been tasted and discussed. I planned to remember an urgent appointment with my pillow at that point.
Unfortunately there were a lot of wines and the gift opening ended up being about halfway through the evening - but happily the living area of the house we were in is split and I took myself away to the other area. I was at that point handed a baby (not your usual wine tasting guest, I know). This is the 8 week old baby of the friend who had several miscarriages and a very difficult pregnancy - this baby was only in the NICU for 3 days, his older brother having been in for about 10 I think. My friend is very matter of fact, just glad to have him home and happy for others to gush or not as they wish. I handed him quickly to Mr Spouse (only one person said, ooh, look, he's being a daddy) and got another glass of wine.
The most annoying person was a loud woman who was holding the baby after this and going on and on about how lovely he was and wouldn't we all like to take him home?
So thankfully I think that will also be my last baby shower, at least for the foreseeable future. As Thalia says, these are rare in the UK. The pattern in my office is for contributions to a single - solicited - gift to be sought, but no pressure (and I'm not sure we got one for the adoptive parents, which is a huge oversight), basically drop in to the office and give money if you want - the gift is usually given before the birth (though all our recent office births have been late!) in the office, in a simple five minute chat session. I think I've given money once and avoided all presentations, and no-one has complained. I've never heard of anyone having any kind of pre-baby party, though the lack of gift registers does mean new parents end up with a lot of, er, gorgeous and immensely, er, practical white lace handknit acrylic cardigans, and not many sterilisers.
In other news - hello progesterone supplements - I thought you were supposed to PREVENT spotting. Last month I had some about day 26 which a) does occasionally happen anyway (only about 1 month in 6 though) and b) I strongly suspect was related to the dye and messing around in my insides. However today is only day 24 and it's my 3rd day of spotting. I am slightly afraid that I did ovulate very very early this month (as per only hint of LH on monitor sticks) and said insides think it's time to get on with bleeding, but are being prevented. I've never ovulated that early before, but of course I am now getting Offically Very Old.
On that note, I'm going to Disneyland tomorrow.
Well, anyway, I did survive - my first ever baby shower. We go to a wine tasting group once a month and one couple are expecting their first baby and the organiser suggested we combine the events. Not exactly something to look forward to, though I do enjoy the wine tastings, and it was pointed out to me by Mr. Spouse and others that the large number of men there meant there would be less cooing and oohing and ahing than there might have been. We knew there would be no silly games; the setup was that anyone wanting to give a gift would place it in a basket near the door and they would be opened late in the evening, probably after all the wines had been tasted and discussed. I planned to remember an urgent appointment with my pillow at that point.
Unfortunately there were a lot of wines and the gift opening ended up being about halfway through the evening - but happily the living area of the house we were in is split and I took myself away to the other area. I was at that point handed a baby (not your usual wine tasting guest, I know). This is the 8 week old baby of the friend who had several miscarriages and a very difficult pregnancy - this baby was only in the NICU for 3 days, his older brother having been in for about 10 I think. My friend is very matter of fact, just glad to have him home and happy for others to gush or not as they wish. I handed him quickly to Mr Spouse (only one person said, ooh, look, he's being a daddy) and got another glass of wine.
The most annoying person was a loud woman who was holding the baby after this and going on and on about how lovely he was and wouldn't we all like to take him home?
So thankfully I think that will also be my last baby shower, at least for the foreseeable future. As Thalia says, these are rare in the UK. The pattern in my office is for contributions to a single - solicited - gift to be sought, but no pressure (and I'm not sure we got one for the adoptive parents, which is a huge oversight), basically drop in to the office and give money if you want - the gift is usually given before the birth (though all our recent office births have been late!) in the office, in a simple five minute chat session. I think I've given money once and avoided all presentations, and no-one has complained. I've never heard of anyone having any kind of pre-baby party, though the lack of gift registers does mean new parents end up with a lot of, er, gorgeous and immensely, er, practical white lace handknit acrylic cardigans, and not many sterilisers.
In other news - hello progesterone supplements - I thought you were supposed to PREVENT spotting. Last month I had some about day 26 which a) does occasionally happen anyway (only about 1 month in 6 though) and b) I strongly suspect was related to the dye and messing around in my insides. However today is only day 24 and it's my 3rd day of spotting. I am slightly afraid that I did ovulate very very early this month (as per only hint of LH on monitor sticks) and said insides think it's time to get on with bleeding, but are being prevented. I've never ovulated that early before, but of course I am now getting Offically Very Old.
On that note, I'm going to Disneyland tomorrow.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
It was like that when I found it
It wasn't me.
It fell off in my hand.
A big boy did it and ran away.
They say a bad workman blames his tools but I have concluded that my Persona meter is, indeed, not working, or at least, not working for me and not working at the moment. Ye olde trusty boobometer indicated yesterday that I have definitely, positively, ovulated this month, when I cannot say, but some time before yesterday. So forge ahead with the Prometrium.
I have discovered a very helpful truth:
Bloggers are the best, and sometimes, the only, source of accurate medical information.
Before using my new tablets, I recalled the doctor's instruction to "pierce them with a needle". A quick Google for name of medication, pessary, and needle brought up:
Barren Mare
A Little Pregnant
and, well, me - in the first 10 results. Barren Mare is first.
It fell off in my hand.
A big boy did it and ran away.
They say a bad workman blames his tools but I have concluded that my Persona meter is, indeed, not working, or at least, not working for me and not working at the moment. Ye olde trusty boobometer indicated yesterday that I have definitely, positively, ovulated this month, when I cannot say, but some time before yesterday. So forge ahead with the Prometrium.
I have discovered a very helpful truth:
Bloggers are the best, and sometimes, the only, source of accurate medical information.
Before using my new tablets, I recalled the doctor's instruction to "pierce them with a needle". A quick Google for name of medication, pessary, and needle brought up:
Barren Mare
A Little Pregnant
and, well, me - in the first 10 results. Barren Mare is first.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Colour me confused...
Am currently on CD 16. Normally I get at least a readable OPK or Persona stick on CD 15 or 16, with usually a line of maybe 3/4 the darkness of the control line on the previous day.
I had some of that nice gooey stuff from about CD9-13 (but I usually get it ridiculously early, and then in patches) and a line of maybe 1/2 control darkness on about CD12? 13? Then nothing. White as white. CM back to something not very stringy. Boobage slightly sore but no screams of agony as I take off the bra.
It's possible that my innards have gone on strike after being messed with last month but now I don't know when or whether to start the pessaries.
I had some of that nice gooey stuff from about CD9-13 (but I usually get it ridiculously early, and then in patches) and a line of maybe 1/2 control darkness on about CD12? 13? Then nothing. White as white. CM back to something not very stringy. Boobage slightly sore but no screams of agony as I take off the bra.
It's possible that my innards have gone on strike after being messed with last month but now I don't know when or whether to start the pessaries.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Well, you see...
Quick recap of the last doctor's appointment:
I don't know how much longer I can go on doing that. But I am also in a somewhat different position to a lot of people - I'm not sure I know of anyone (and if you are in that position please let me know how you overcame this) who has the same issues, even in a general sense.
If we want to adopt (and even adoption preparation is up to a year away), because of what happened last time we started the process, we do not want to risk another pregnancy and another miscarriage during that time. However, we are not people who definitely need treatment in order to be able to conceive, or at least people who "as far as they know" are in that position. I think this means that to avoid risk we'd have to use contraception.
Unless we are very unlucky with our adoption social worker, we aren't going to be asked to use contraception while we go through the adoption preparation process. I have heard of people in this position, but it is mainly once they have a match with a child, and for many of them they just nod and go "yes, yes" while knowing they have blocked tubes or endo or have been trying to get pregnant for 10 years without a sniff of a positive. What's mainly frowned upon is actually doing treatment while doing the preparation process.
I think they'd be a bit cross if you were subfertile and started the prep process after 2 years of trying on your own, and then had a successful pregnancy, but no child has been told they have new parents, oh no they don't, so no harm done really.
But in another sense we are slightly nearer to "needing treatment" than we were. I am no longer confident that just taking my vitamins is all the pre-pregnancy preparation I need. I would not be too happy if we were actively "trying" but I wasn't checking at least the day of my cycle and making sure I started the progesterone at some point. So we have an even sharper divide between "trying" and "not trying".
I don't know if I can switch it off - that's my problem. Last time we decided "right, go for adoption" we just thought "well, we aren't getting pregnant, so to not get pregnant we just keep doing what we're doing". Now I'm not so sure. "Trying" and "not trying" are now so different that I don't really know when, or how, to take the leap. And I'm also concerned my nerve will fail if it takes months or a year or more and I'll wheedle Mr. Spouse into "trying" again.
- we (I say we, obviously it's me, but it affects Mr. Spouse too) can switch to Prometrium from the generic progesterone - it comes in capsules which the doctor, but not the pharmacist, said to pierce with a needle. I have about another week to work out if I need to do this. It is actually not much more expensive for us than the generic.
- Suppositories of the blue triangular anti-ED medicine - she's not confident about trying them. This is mainly, and I appreciate this, on safety grounds. The only research with recurrent miscarriers is of a very high dose, and in conjunction with pregnancy, it is very untested and I'm happy with that decision.
- Hysteroscopy - she doesn't think it would add anything. The most comprehensive paper I've read suggests that HSG combined with laparoscopy and US is pretty OK. You can see an anomaly with HSG but you can't tell what it is, but you need laparoscopy to tell what it is. I'm going to keep thinking about this and perhaps do something when we are back in the UK.
I don't know how much longer I can go on doing that. But I am also in a somewhat different position to a lot of people - I'm not sure I know of anyone (and if you are in that position please let me know how you overcame this) who has the same issues, even in a general sense.
If we want to adopt (and even adoption preparation is up to a year away), because of what happened last time we started the process, we do not want to risk another pregnancy and another miscarriage during that time. However, we are not people who definitely need treatment in order to be able to conceive, or at least people who "as far as they know" are in that position. I think this means that to avoid risk we'd have to use contraception.
Unless we are very unlucky with our adoption social worker, we aren't going to be asked to use contraception while we go through the adoption preparation process. I have heard of people in this position, but it is mainly once they have a match with a child, and for many of them they just nod and go "yes, yes" while knowing they have blocked tubes or endo or have been trying to get pregnant for 10 years without a sniff of a positive. What's mainly frowned upon is actually doing treatment while doing the preparation process.
I think they'd be a bit cross if you were subfertile and started the prep process after 2 years of trying on your own, and then had a successful pregnancy, but no child has been told they have new parents, oh no they don't, so no harm done really.
But in another sense we are slightly nearer to "needing treatment" than we were. I am no longer confident that just taking my vitamins is all the pre-pregnancy preparation I need. I would not be too happy if we were actively "trying" but I wasn't checking at least the day of my cycle and making sure I started the progesterone at some point. So we have an even sharper divide between "trying" and "not trying".
I don't know if I can switch it off - that's my problem. Last time we decided "right, go for adoption" we just thought "well, we aren't getting pregnant, so to not get pregnant we just keep doing what we're doing". Now I'm not so sure. "Trying" and "not trying" are now so different that I don't really know when, or how, to take the leap. And I'm also concerned my nerve will fail if it takes months or a year or more and I'll wheedle Mr. Spouse into "trying" again.
Monday, February 02, 2009
Phoning it in
This was the phrase that sprang to mind while watching a couple of the singers in the first gospel group singing at a very small festival my choir took part in this afternoon. I suspect they had been told "hey, we're on first, we'll run off quickly and get to watch most of the game". The other choirs looked enthusiastic as well as sounding it, and I think we did well too (despite having almost no basses, who'd have thought it??!)
It also fairly well describes my state of mind in the last couple of weeks. We aren't due to fly home till mid-April but I keep catching myself thinking it's imminent - and therefore it's not worth doing X, Y or Z.
After my last doctor's appointment, I had a nice post planned about causality, but have found myself in a CBA-ness state. So I haven't.
Over the last year, I've approached CD1 mainly with a sense of resignation, but most doctor's appointments with something like enthusiasm. However, this month for some reason I was feeling the opposite - our timing had been good, I was using the progesterone, and if anything had been blocking my tubes it isn't now. Of course I was disappointed. And my appointment wasn't much better either.
I've had I think two, maybe three, other "well, just go away and try again" appointments. Two of them were within a month or two of a pregnancy - when although "at least you can get pregnant" sounds very hollow, it doesn't sound impossible that it will happen again. Now all the RE could say was "are you sure you don't want to do IVF?"
There was a tiny bit more, but as I say, I'm phoning it in.
It also fairly well describes my state of mind in the last couple of weeks. We aren't due to fly home till mid-April but I keep catching myself thinking it's imminent - and therefore it's not worth doing X, Y or Z.
After my last doctor's appointment, I had a nice post planned about causality, but have found myself in a CBA-ness state. So I haven't.
Over the last year, I've approached CD1 mainly with a sense of resignation, but most doctor's appointments with something like enthusiasm. However, this month for some reason I was feeling the opposite - our timing had been good, I was using the progesterone, and if anything had been blocking my tubes it isn't now. Of course I was disappointed. And my appointment wasn't much better either.
I've had I think two, maybe three, other "well, just go away and try again" appointments. Two of them were within a month or two of a pregnancy - when although "at least you can get pregnant" sounds very hollow, it doesn't sound impossible that it will happen again. Now all the RE could say was "are you sure you don't want to do IVF?"
There was a tiny bit more, but as I say, I'm phoning it in.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Dear manufacturer,
I wish to complain about your product.
How can a girl be expected to pee in a "cup" (which cup? the one I haven't got from the doctor for the urine test they gave me a cup at the lab for? one of our landlady's Vegas mugs? a spare glass jar? an empty Starbucks vanilla roibos chai latte cup?), dip the stick for 10 seconds, leave it for five minutes ("or possibly 10 to confirm a negative result") and meanwhile run back to the bedroom where her husband is rapidly going off the boil? And if I leave the stick in a handy bathroom drawer, and minister to Mr Spouse's needs, you're going to have to be awfully quick to get back before you are no longer allowed to read the test.
Although I was wondering whether having my insides poked about would make the little girls be a bit reluctant to come out and play, I wasn't prepared for 3 straight days of negative - including the latest day I normally get a positive OPK/fertility meter reading - and not just "well, maybe, let's think about it tomorrow" negative - pretty much blank white negative. Especially since all the other OPK type things I've used before (Persona, an early version of the Clearblue meter, and some digital Clearblue sticks also once I think) have had at least some form of second line from day 13 at the latest.
But as the big girls have done their "ooh, we're sore now" post-ovulation, presumably progesterone-induced end-of-day sigh, I'm assuming the cheap OPKs are a pile of, as my nieces would say, caca.
So I think I'm going to start with the suppositories on day 18 not day 17, just to be on the safe side, but I'm not sure if I'm going to call the doctor about using them in, er, a different area, given just how sore we both were last month.
And then I'm going to ignore the OPKs and use either my Persona, or nothing.
How can a girl be expected to pee in a "cup" (which cup? the one I haven't got from the doctor for the urine test they gave me a cup at the lab for? one of our landlady's Vegas mugs? a spare glass jar? an empty Starbucks vanilla roibos chai latte cup?), dip the stick for 10 seconds, leave it for five minutes ("or possibly 10 to confirm a negative result") and meanwhile run back to the bedroom where her husband is rapidly going off the boil? And if I leave the stick in a handy bathroom drawer, and minister to Mr Spouse's needs, you're going to have to be awfully quick to get back before you are no longer allowed to read the test.
Although I was wondering whether having my insides poked about would make the little girls be a bit reluctant to come out and play, I wasn't prepared for 3 straight days of negative - including the latest day I normally get a positive OPK/fertility meter reading - and not just "well, maybe, let's think about it tomorrow" negative - pretty much blank white negative. Especially since all the other OPK type things I've used before (Persona, an early version of the Clearblue meter, and some digital Clearblue sticks also once I think) have had at least some form of second line from day 13 at the latest.
But as the big girls have done their "ooh, we're sore now" post-ovulation, presumably progesterone-induced end-of-day sigh, I'm assuming the cheap OPKs are a pile of, as my nieces would say, caca.
So I think I'm going to start with the suppositories on day 18 not day 17, just to be on the safe side, but I'm not sure if I'm going to call the doctor about using them in, er, a different area, given just how sore we both were last month.
And then I'm going to ignore the OPKs and use either my Persona, or nothing.
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