Friday, July 31, 2009


Us, that is - we are leaning heavily towards a temporary move back to the US in order to adopt. I did have a couple of good and helpful chats with KAS, who put us in touch with another couple in our position, with whom I also had a lengthy helpful chat. But although selfishly we are pleased not to be alone - and especially pleased that the other couple is further ahead than us (and hence has wasted more time), and also we are not completely ruling out trying to (as a group) get the DCSF to change their rather ill-formed policy, which seems DIRECTLY a result of the US ratifying Hague - it's too much of a coincidence otherwise....

but still... it would be a lot quicker and possibly cheaper to do the overseas move.

Mr Spouse worries about my job if we do that. I get the standard UK allowance of just over a year's adoption leave but we need to be abroad for at least 18 months. I know, however, that if we adopted from the UK I'd need to work very part time after the first year - if not also to take extended leave (I have heard of several people adopting in the UK being "told" by agencies to request this). I am wary of telling work detailed plans as no-one is particularly discrete - but I think I need to ask sooner rather than later. I'm debating whether to do this all at once with my annual review (due soon) which is likely to touch on return-from-sick-leave (thankfully we have done return-from-sabbatical); or whether to try and drip-feed it. Either way I am going to keep it general and just point out some slightly relevant precedents. Currently I am thinking "worst case scenario, I resign and find another job - or reapply for mine". How good a prospect this might seem down the line I don't know.

Anyway, mind on other things, seeing v. well known Irish band in small (and rainy) Scandinavian city tonight. Woo hoo!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Still waiting... hear from KAS, who has assured me she will call back today.

While I've been off work I've been at least catching up with friends on the phone - something I'm often bad at - but easier to do than typing for me at the moment.

FET twins friend is doing OK but completely broke. She is my inspiration if we do end up with more transatlantic moves - the twins & older sib moved over here from the US when twins were, I think, 3 months. She took a step back in her career to have a life with the family (in-laws are here & she prefers living here).

ICSI no 2 friend just got a positive test. After 2 FET miscarriages she isn't even cautiously optimistic - just cautious. She's also getting over a brush with OHSS and banned from going back to work as swine flu is rampant where she works so is just a bit fed up.

Called Central America adoption friend but haven't heard back. Depending on the outcome of the call from KAS, I definitely need to talk to her about adoption leave negotiations with our mutual employer.

So just waiting to hear at the moment. At least I've just found out how to get police clearance from the two African countries I've lived in.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Ow 3

Still here. Still armless. No pins but improvement frustratingly slow & typing FAIL. No news from KAS. Mr Spouse out at job interview. Me in pyjamas.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Confused? You will be, after this episode

I know we are.

So, to try and tell this in order, and not quite remembering what I've already said:

1) DCSF say no non-Hague adoptions from Hague countries
2) Kick-ass Solicitor says this is news to her, but she has other families in similar situations & will get back to us in about 3 weeks (2 weeks ago)
3) Supposedly helpful adoption advice organisation discusses situation at length by email and does not comprehend any of "birth mother can make best decision for child", "US feels placement with citizens abroad EQUALS placement in country" or "no agencies in US seem to want to do Hague outgoing" (18 months approx now and no cases have been through). Definitely not of same mind as KAS (i.e. client right).

4) We find agency in US that will attempt Hague outgoing. Not ideal demographic or location - you'd be truly stuffed if Hispanic - v. pricey and have never processed any cases, but we tell UK agency and KAS.

5) UK agency gives us place on August course. I have by now broken arm so not keen to sit still in pain for 4 days in July anyway.

6) Still crossing fingers DCSF will show pity/ be intimidated by KAS and not make us be guinea pigs with no choice of agency and no US precedent. Selfishly feel a non-US couple should be doing that. Bemoan not having done this 2 years ago. Point out to each other we were busy grieving 2 years ago.

7) Do many sums and conclude it would be cheaper for me to take approaching 2 years (to make immigration of child legal) off work, move back to the US, and get Mr. Spouse his green card so he can support me/us. Would also be cheaper. However wish to keep job/career, continue residence in long term in Small City In North, and have health care especially for Mr. Spouse that doesn't involve deterioration of his diabetes. Feel immediately post 6-week sick leave not best time to broach long term absence with employer.

8) Tired now.

(afraid Mr. Spouse is keen to leave this blog entirely to me - he neither reads nor comments)

Ow 2

So, a week on, I can now just about type both-handed on my phone - slow, but not limited to words containing letters on the R side of the keyboard (oil, kin, jim).

I've been signed off work for 6 weeks but am waiting til Friday to find out if I'll need an operation to put in a pin. I've broken my humerus right at the top, L side. In the meantime I can read t'internet but not really write (only Blogger really works on the phone, and sitting at the 'puter for too long is pretty uncomfortable anyway), can read hardback books (paperbacks don't stay open on their own), write by hand (remember that?) and can watch TV. Lots & lots of TV.

I will try and muster the strength to post something about the complicated adoption situation, later...