Sunday, September 15, 2013

In which I state the bleedin obvious

It is quite tiring having a toddler. It is even more tiring having a toddler and working. You get almost no time that is not either caring-for-toddler or frantically-keeping-up-at-work. Mr Spouse is very supportive and nice but he is tired. Baby Spouse is tired (and I am happy with my decision not to work full time as he finds nursery very very tiring and can sleep for up to three hours on non-nursery days).

Work could of course be very supportive and nice too but no, that would be too easy. The summer has been a tale of stroppy letters from my boss who doesn't read his emails so doesn't know when I tell him I'm swapping my working days, and consultations with the union, as well as other reasonable people wanting reasonable things, but needing them now please.  Needless to say, I'm a little stressed.  I have been diagnosed with a stress-related eye condition.  The consultant helpfully suggested I take some time off work. I have no annual leave left (well, I have 1 day - our leave year starts next month and we can't take leave in term time). I can't think of any other people in my job who use all their annual leave (I never have before), but I use most of it up when nursery is closed (it's closed a lot).

I'm not really sure what the point of all this is - I'm trying to find ways to relax, but I come home and am too tired to go out again to the gym (I do have a regular swim session one morning before work), I would like to learn meditation or some relaxation technique (but I'm not a Buddhist, which seems to be the option for classes, and I'm not motivated enough to do something like that regularly alone).  I do still knit and I was doing some sewing today while Baby Spouse napped but I end up thinking "do you really like having a child or do you just like making stuff for him?"

I think this falls under "you made such an effort to do this, just be flipping grateful you've got it and don't moan". In some ways it's a bit easier moaning to my real life mum friends as they don't seem to see adoption - they just see a toddler.


Claudia said...

UGH! I relate totally (although you know my childcare issues are different...) It seems to me that when I'm at work, I'm thinking about mothering, and when I'm mothering, I'm thinking about work. No two ways about it, it's like having two full-time jobs and only one day to do them in.

Rachel said...

Having a child is HARD. At one of our adoption education meetings, they stressed how important it is to feel ok with being stressed out and frustrated and exhausted by being a parent. Just because it was difficult for us to get here doesn't mean we don't feel all of those things. It's ok and normal. You do not have to be a super parent all the time, happy about every little thing. No one is. It's not real. You are doing the best you can and, in the end, you ARE happy that N is in your life. And because it was such a challenge getting there, even when it's hard you are still able to take that step back and think about it. But feel free to feel frustrated. It is really, really hard.