Sunday, June 03, 2007


There is a young man I know, through message board/blog route (so when I say "know", you realise I haven't met this person) and he, though only in his 20s, has recently lost his wife. There is more to the story, but this is a tragedy of such huge proportions that you don't really need to know more, though I may post a bit at some point. When this happened, I noticed that fairly quickly he started posting about things other than this huge tragedy on his blog, and on the message board.

I thought this was a bit weird, but I think I understand a bit more. I don't feel ready to process or write much about Sprout and how we lost him (for some reason, we have been referring to the baby as "him"), but I need distraction, more than TV/knitting/reading/napping can provide, so I have also been reading, and occasionally posting, about things that I then think "this does not MATTER. Why do I care about this? Why do I care about anything?".

I'm still in a bit of pain, though not unmanageable, hardly any bleeding, though my whole pelvis seems to be objecting in unison, as I've been having a bit of pain on urinating. No heavy bleeding, clots, or fever though so I'm pretty sure I haven't got an infection, still taking the codeine/gin in alternation. My mother sent home-made brownies (and roses, in the same jiffy bag, rose-scented brownies are surprisingly nice), and Mr. Spouse found peanut butter chunky Kit-Kats which aren't quite Reeses, but are still pretty good.


Thalia said...

Sounds like the 'only to be expected' condition. It's impossible to feel those feelings 24/7, too too hard and overwhelming.

I am in the US and can bring you peanut butter cups, happy to send them when I get back if you email me an address.

May said...

It seems to me not only normal but eminently sensible to take time off thinking of the tragedy, at least until some of the appalling rawness has worn off. People need to look after themselves as well as grieve.

The other thing that's really good, for a bit of luxury, are Lindor's peanut-butter truffles (made by Lindt, available in most branches of Whittards). I highly recommend them.

I have been thinking of you this past week.

Vivien said...

I just can't think of anything even slightly helpful to say. This is just awful. I thought you would probably prefer me to at least leave you a comment to say how I am thinking of you so much, and am SO sorry that this has happened to you.
Try to put no pressure on yourself - not even to feel things you don't feel yet - or even ever. Lots of treats - Warm baths? Lots of TV? Fresh pineapple?
I wish there were something I could say to help. . .