Well, it took me an hour and a bit to get there, and about 2 hours to get back (the first hour of which was sitting in traffic in a rainstorm), but it was a fairly satistfying visit. The nice nurse is very nice, and very sensitive - you couldn't really do her job and not be sensitive. She asked me if it was OK to talk about the miscarriages - I suppose you need to be prepared to talk about them to go along to an appointment like that, but it does tend to bring it all back. She also asked if we had "any little ones at home" and said if we had another miscarriage they'd do some analysis on "the little one" which made me cringe a little but apart from that, full points. She didn't say "oh, perhaps the second one wasn't a pregnancy" which I had feared.
I asked all my questions apart, I think, from the one about implantation - I am pretty sure I am right about the cramps, since they only started after the first miscarriage (and we were only trying to get pregnant for 3 months before the first pregnancy), and don't happen every month. I don't think our problem is getting the sperm to the egg.
So the story is:
Multiple clotting factor tests, including all the ones that were done before and then some, and lupus etc. - she distracted me while taking the entire arm's worth of blood from my useless vein (I must have been a junkie in a former life) by telling me about the house she is buying where the previous owner was proud of not having hoovered in 17 years. If any are positive they will recommend either aspirin or aspirin plus low molecular weight heparin once I get pregnant. She said she saw where the nice gynae was coming from suggesting I take it anyway, they don't really suggest it but she didn't sound like it could do any harm. They won't do the genetic clotting tests again.
There may be a spina bifida issue. My brother and father have club feet (spina bifida can cause this, or you can have it alone) and there was a question of a cousin with a dimple in her spine. She wants me to take 5mg folate if I get pregnant - she said no need to do it before. I think I may get a prescription just in case, as finding out I was pregnant on holiday, for example, would be needlessly nervewracking. This also counteracts the hyperhomocysteinaemia (MTHFR) so that would be sorted too if I have it.
If all the tests come back negative then they will ask me if I want to be entered into the NKC trial. Since the tests are due back just as my next (but one) period starts (in a month's time) I might be able to get the biopsy done for that in September or October. So it is not all that shabby - she even apologised that they weren't recruiting this month because of too many lab staff being on holiday. So they are only recruiting people who clearly have idiopathic recurrent miscarriage. It being a clinical trial and all. I think they do also recruit from elsewhere in the country, again with a diagnosis of IRM.
I think it is at that stage that they would do a uterine ultrasound too. I'm not entirely clear what they see when they do the laparoscopy, but I would have thought they'd see anything obvious - so I'm not massively worried about that.
They don't do progesterone supplementation - if you have oligomenorrhea they give HcG - but I'm too regular for that.
So, if I see those two blue lines I'm to ring immediately (do not pass go, do not ring Mr Spouse - OK, I think I can ring him!) and they will follow me up. I could, I think, have similar follow up in my local hospital - in fact, it turns out the nice gynae used to work in the Liverpool hospital, as a research registrar - but I think I might use it as an excuse to take more than the odd day off work. I am even thinking of asking if I can go part time for a while (most it can be is 2 months, right?) if (when! when!) I get pregnant again. It does seem as if supportive care is actually the best - and extremly succesfull - intervention for IRM.
I actually feel like there is a way forward - and I have also started to feel more positive about adoption. I don't feel the same urge to get and stay pregnant, though it would be nice. I think that our plan C* (apply officially to adoption agency 6 months after last miscarriage i.e. in November) could still work out, as it is highly likely all my tests will be over by then, and I don't really think IUI is that crucial for us any more.
Things that made me well up yesterday: Seeing an undergraduate student come in with her TWO count them TWO little girls who were both accidents and who mean she's taken 4 years so far to do two years of her degree. Seeing the "baby wall" at the RPL clinic and not believing I'm ever going to have a baby picture to put up there. And then hearing that my father-in-law, in his 80s, is in hospital with pneumonia. The vicar decided he needed to go to hospital, having called round to see them. Mr Spouse (who was also tearful, not surprisingly) is worried he won't come home, because he doesn't think he can. We also worry about my mother-in-law, who is a similar age but more hale and hearty, but who does not tend to go out on her own, as she lacks confidence, so is at great risk of getting very isolated.
*A having been "get pregnant quickly" and B being "OK, we forgot to mention the part about staying pregnant, so let's get pregnant again and keep it this time."
Friday, August 18, 2006
Monday, August 14, 2006
A few links...
This is the Royal College of Obsetricians and Gynaecologists review of care for recurrent miscarriage.
This is very depressing for those of us with older husbands. I sent the link to Mr Spouse but he hasn't commented yet.
This is the four-drug combo study. I think I'd be more impressed if I knew what kind of clinical care the untreated women got - as frequent ultrasound and attendance at an early pregnancy clinic also seem to reduce the recurrence of miscarriage.
and finally this (absolutely, positively not work-friendly) has to be my best search term ever (and a mad search engine, too). No idea what page I'm on as I didn't dare go that far.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Note to self part, er, I don't know
I've got my appointment at the recurrent miscarriage clinic next week so this is a (to be updated) list of questions I want to ask:
Clotting factors: which tests will they do? Check they are doing the MTHFR as they couldn't do that locally.
Chromosomal factors: when will they test Mr Spouse for the balanced translocation? Can he have the blood taken locally?
Elderly reproductive system factors: is it worth me getting my FSH done again (the gynae said not, since it was only taken in January - I imagine she's right - perhaps next year)? What about an antral follicle scan - would this show a decreased ovarian reserve and would that be affecting the miscarriage?
Immune factors: are they still doing this trial of steroids? Does this require a biopsy? On a) day 21? b) a barrier contraception cycle? This will be yes to a) but no to b).
What about this new study of four-drug therapy for recurrent miscarriage? I realise it was a study with no placebo group but would they approve me trying the treatment? If no, would it do any harm to try aspirin (the gynae said it wouldn't)? Progesterone? (I have actually ordered some progesterone cream, partly because - of course - I hope it will help us conceive, but also because I have heard it's good for premenstrual cramps, which continue to plague me some months).
Which aspects of the therapy (steroids, aspirin, folate and progesterone) could I start at day 14 of my cycle, given our difficulties conceiving? If she says "none", would it be worth going onto the higher dose of folate anyway?
If I have another miscarriage, and it's not too fast, is it worth my having and ERPC to try and test any tissue? Would they be able to keep the tissue locally or would I have to go down there?
Oh, and about those cramps - is it possible they are conception cycles, with attempted implantation?
I'm hoping this is going to be an interactive post - if anyone can think of any questions I should ask, I'll add them in.
Notes from the notes:
I have looked into Foresight, but I think we are doing, or have done, everything anyway (vitamins - though there's no evidence anything except folate helps; stopping smoking - neither of us ever did; testing for STDs - got that sorted; heavy metals in hair - erm...)
Agnus castus - I understood that was for short luteal phases, which I don't have. But I'm prepared to be corrected.
The progesterone cream arrived today (about 6 dpo) and is very, er, creamy.
Clotting factors: which tests will they do? Check they are doing the MTHFR as they couldn't do that locally.
Chromosomal factors: when will they test Mr Spouse for the balanced translocation? Can he have the blood taken locally?
Elderly reproductive system factors: is it worth me getting my FSH done again (the gynae said not, since it was only taken in January - I imagine she's right - perhaps next year)? What about an antral follicle scan - would this show a decreased ovarian reserve and would that be affecting the miscarriage?
Immune factors: are they still doing this trial of steroids? Does this require a biopsy? On a) day 21? b) a barrier contraception cycle? This will be yes to a) but no to b).
What about this new study of four-drug therapy for recurrent miscarriage? I realise it was a study with no placebo group but would they approve me trying the treatment? If no, would it do any harm to try aspirin (the gynae said it wouldn't)? Progesterone? (I have actually ordered some progesterone cream, partly because - of course - I hope it will help us conceive, but also because I have heard it's good for premenstrual cramps, which continue to plague me some months).
Which aspects of the therapy (steroids, aspirin, folate and progesterone) could I start at day 14 of my cycle, given our difficulties conceiving? If she says "none", would it be worth going onto the higher dose of folate anyway?
If I have another miscarriage, and it's not too fast, is it worth my having and ERPC to try and test any tissue? Would they be able to keep the tissue locally or would I have to go down there?
Oh, and about those cramps - is it possible they are conception cycles, with attempted implantation?
I'm hoping this is going to be an interactive post - if anyone can think of any questions I should ask, I'll add them in.
Notes from the notes:
I have looked into Foresight, but I think we are doing, or have done, everything anyway (vitamins - though there's no evidence anything except folate helps; stopping smoking - neither of us ever did; testing for STDs - got that sorted; heavy metals in hair - erm...)
Agnus castus - I understood that was for short luteal phases, which I don't have. But I'm prepared to be corrected.
The progesterone cream arrived today (about 6 dpo) and is very, er, creamy.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
On holiday
You see a lovely part of the world, and fall in love with it. You dearly, dearly wish to live there, yet circumstances prevent this. However, there is nothing to stop you from visiting as often as you can. Each time, you are charmed again, you do see there are some disadvantages but perhaps you are a little blind to them since it is, after all, a holiday. Parting is, of course, sweet sorrow. You book another trip the moment you get home, and once again you sigh and wish you could live there.
One comment recently asked me if it was hard for me to work with children, since we haven't yet managed to have any of our own. Mr Spouse was also asking me why I like volunteering with the Brownies (and why I suggested he might do some volunteer work with children, too), wondering whether I don't find it hard to have to give them back.
In other, not great, news, my work colleague who was going to go for her free IVF round on the NHS has had to cancel. I don't quite understand the protocol, but she says she went for an antral follicle scan (is that right?) at the start of her cycle (do they scan before starting? other people tell me they only scan after stimulation) and they found 3 follicles whereas they were hoping for 15? or is it 15 each side? Her FSH was also quite high - they've never found any problems before. She says she was (understandably) very sad at first but now they have resolved to go ahead with adoption from China. We are going to start a two-woman campain for equality of adoption leave with maternity leave (they recently updated the T&C at work and made maternity leave the same across job grades, but didn't update the adoption leave, which was previously inferior anyway).
One comment recently asked me if it was hard for me to work with children, since we haven't yet managed to have any of our own. Mr Spouse was also asking me why I like volunteering with the Brownies (and why I suggested he might do some volunteer work with children, too), wondering whether I don't find it hard to have to give them back.
In other, not great, news, my work colleague who was going to go for her free IVF round on the NHS has had to cancel. I don't quite understand the protocol, but she says she went for an antral follicle scan (is that right?) at the start of her cycle (do they scan before starting? other people tell me they only scan after stimulation) and they found 3 follicles whereas they were hoping for 15? or is it 15 each side? Her FSH was also quite high - they've never found any problems before. She says she was (understandably) very sad at first but now they have resolved to go ahead with adoption from China. We are going to start a two-woman campain for equality of adoption leave with maternity leave (they recently updated the T&C at work and made maternity leave the same across job grades, but didn't update the adoption leave, which was previously inferior anyway).
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Sorry folks
Slightly longer gap than I had intended. Note to self: if you want a loyal readership, you need to write more often.
Lots going on (holiday, family christening - I'm now a madrina!† - working on our new flat in London*, family funeral, minor ear infection, major migraine, work stuff, CD1). Nothing much has happened, really, except an oddly cramp-free second half of my cycle, which seems to happen about one cycle in three. I've started taking my temperature, probably completely mad of me but it is curbing my stick-peeing addiction slightly and not stressing me out too much. And I had a friendly conversation with the miscarriage nurse from Liverpool.
They do not offer any private services because, I think, they wouldn't be able do it any quicker privately. Given what I've heard about some of the private IVF places here, it doesn't really surprise me. Yes, this is the same hospital as Dr Quenby but I have been referred to a different doctor. If I'm not offered that test, I'll ask for it, but given my history it seems more likely to be either my age or clotting. The local hospital couldn't do/re-do the tests they were going to do but the miscarriage clinic wants to redo them all anyway so there's no point in pushing it locally.
Re the IVF/IUI debate: Mr Spouse thinks, and I am inclined to agree with him, that IVF is just a more expensive, and more invasive, way of getting to the same point we've got to before. IUI is more invasive than nothing, but since it seems to be difficult for us to get pregnant (two years, two/three pregnancies, and no babies) it might be quicker - I don't want to run out of reproductive time before my luck improves.
But currently I think I would rather go down the adoption route unless something definitive is found, as although IUI does increase your chances of pregnancy if you have unexplained infertility, it would not then help with the miscarriages. Adoption feels like so much more positive step, even if it is not (as a well-meaning relative said at the funeral) "something to do while you're waiting". Oh yes. Must remember to mention it to my mum before she hears from some other relative!
*As a friend of mine said, he was too old to be a babe magnet, and he didn't want to be a fridge magnet, so he was going to have to be a property magnate. An inheritance was left us, and the suggestion was that we use it to buy a holiday cottage. London is the only place we want to spend holidays regularly, and we have bitten the bullet and become second-home-owners. It might make us a bit of cash too. We are going down again this weekend - it's quite odd doing all this hard work when we aren't going to live in it, but it is nice to make a place simple, in an oddly satisfying way.
†Godmother - to my niece, who lives in Spain with my brother and his Spanish wife.
Lots going on (holiday, family christening - I'm now a madrina!† - working on our new flat in London*, family funeral, minor ear infection, major migraine, work stuff, CD1). Nothing much has happened, really, except an oddly cramp-free second half of my cycle, which seems to happen about one cycle in three. I've started taking my temperature, probably completely mad of me but it is curbing my stick-peeing addiction slightly and not stressing me out too much. And I had a friendly conversation with the miscarriage nurse from Liverpool.
They do not offer any private services because, I think, they wouldn't be able do it any quicker privately. Given what I've heard about some of the private IVF places here, it doesn't really surprise me. Yes, this is the same hospital as Dr Quenby but I have been referred to a different doctor. If I'm not offered that test, I'll ask for it, but given my history it seems more likely to be either my age or clotting. The local hospital couldn't do/re-do the tests they were going to do but the miscarriage clinic wants to redo them all anyway so there's no point in pushing it locally.
Re the IVF/IUI debate: Mr Spouse thinks, and I am inclined to agree with him, that IVF is just a more expensive, and more invasive, way of getting to the same point we've got to before. IUI is more invasive than nothing, but since it seems to be difficult for us to get pregnant (two years, two/three pregnancies, and no babies) it might be quicker - I don't want to run out of reproductive time before my luck improves.
But currently I think I would rather go down the adoption route unless something definitive is found, as although IUI does increase your chances of pregnancy if you have unexplained infertility, it would not then help with the miscarriages. Adoption feels like so much more positive step, even if it is not (as a well-meaning relative said at the funeral) "something to do while you're waiting". Oh yes. Must remember to mention it to my mum before she hears from some other relative!
*As a friend of mine said, he was too old to be a babe magnet, and he didn't want to be a fridge magnet, so he was going to have to be a property magnate. An inheritance was left us, and the suggestion was that we use it to buy a holiday cottage. London is the only place we want to spend holidays regularly, and we have bitten the bullet and become second-home-owners. It might make us a bit of cash too. We are going down again this weekend - it's quite odd doing all this hard work when we aren't going to live in it, but it is nice to make a place simple, in an oddly satisfying way.
†Godmother - to my niece, who lives in Spain with my brother and his Spanish wife.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Oh hold
We're about to go on holiday, so a longer gap than normal in blogging. But a quick phone call to the recurrent miscarriage clinic (and conversation with at least five people with comedy Scouse accents. OK, I know people in Liverpool really do talk like that, but if you don't go there regularly, it sounds funny) revealed that the first appointment available is on the 17th August, and they don't, as far as the temporary secretary knows, take private patients.
This will be an appointment to take bloods and set up further tests. So everything else will be even more delayed, whether it's IUI or adoption, the first of which no doubt also has a long waiting list (and even if it didn't, I think the gynae is probably right that we should not do it a the same time as the miscarriage investigations) or, more likely, adoption, where they usually ask for a gap between any fertility investigations and starting the process.
Can I just say:
AAARGH!
Thank you.
This will be an appointment to take bloods and set up further tests. So everything else will be even more delayed, whether it's IUI or adoption, the first of which no doubt also has a long waiting list (and even if it didn't, I think the gynae is probably right that we should not do it a the same time as the miscarriage investigations) or, more likely, adoption, where they usually ask for a gap between any fertility investigations and starting the process.
Can I just say:
AAARGH!
Thank you.
Friday, June 23, 2006
I'm a media slut
In the last 48 hours I've spoken to about 10 newspaper journalists and been interviewed for no less than 6 radio programmes (first one: scary; last one: blasé). A piece of my work which a friend described as "the cutest research ever" has been jumped on with a frenzy.
I'm not going to post a link here, but suffice to say if you've hear or read anything about children's language in the British media today, it's almost certainly me. But nothing will stop me going to Brownies tonight. Except maybe John Humphrys.
I'm not going to post a link here, but suffice to say if you've hear or read anything about children's language in the British media today, it's almost certainly me. But nothing will stop me going to Brownies tonight. Except maybe John Humphrys.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
The women of this nation...
apart from those who like football, or have more than one TV in the house, are currently amusing themselves.
I've been doing a little browsing on the internetty web (as Mr Spouse and I call it), and a little sewing on two baby quilts. One is for my new niece, and one is either a faith quilt, or is for some other lucky child of a friend or relative. Not for my cousin's - I'm sorry, but having your second child due less than 3 years after your first does not count as "it's so difficult and upsetting not being able to have another child". Definitely not as "everyone in the family needs to know even your 97-year-old grandfather". Although the latter may have been her big-mouthed mother. Just because she is 13 months younger than her brother.
At least that may be the last of it for a while, unless my brother decides he can't live without a son. I have one remaining unmarried cousin my age, who is currently messing around with, and I suspect messing around, a very good friend of mine. No wedding bells or pregnancies I don't think - she wants to adopt from China, as a first choice, but he's under pressure to keep the family name going. The other side are all either under 30 and living in a different country to their spouse, or unattached, or both.
Going through my cycles in real time is rather a lot like watchin paint dry, so I'm not subjecting you lot to them. Suffice to say I madly decided to take my temperature this month, but at least it tells me, once again, I'm ovulating fine. In other news, no news from the miscarriage clinic (why does my mother ring to ask if I've heard from them four days after I've gone to the gynae? that's hardly enough time for a letter to get there and back!), and Mr Spouse and I have agreed that if "nothing has happened" six months after my last miscarriage, we will start going for adoption.
Details are yet to be worked out. Will "nothing" include another early miscarriage? Will we go with the agency we visited, or think about concurrency (where you foster a very young child and then if they don't get reunited with their birth parents- which does not happen 90% of the time - you adopt them)? The concurrency agency is quite a long way away - there are only about 4 in the country - and we might have to twist their arm to get them to consider us. We'll see.
I've been doing a little browsing on the internetty web (as Mr Spouse and I call it), and a little sewing on two baby quilts. One is for my new niece, and one is either a faith quilt, or is for some other lucky child of a friend or relative. Not for my cousin's - I'm sorry, but having your second child due less than 3 years after your first does not count as "it's so difficult and upsetting not being able to have another child". Definitely not as "everyone in the family needs to know even your 97-year-old grandfather". Although the latter may have been her big-mouthed mother. Just because she is 13 months younger than her brother.
At least that may be the last of it for a while, unless my brother decides he can't live without a son. I have one remaining unmarried cousin my age, who is currently messing around with, and I suspect messing around, a very good friend of mine. No wedding bells or pregnancies I don't think - she wants to adopt from China, as a first choice, but he's under pressure to keep the family name going. The other side are all either under 30 and living in a different country to their spouse, or unattached, or both.
Going through my cycles in real time is rather a lot like watchin paint dry, so I'm not subjecting you lot to them. Suffice to say I madly decided to take my temperature this month, but at least it tells me, once again, I'm ovulating fine. In other news, no news from the miscarriage clinic (why does my mother ring to ask if I've heard from them four days after I've gone to the gynae? that's hardly enough time for a letter to get there and back!), and Mr Spouse and I have agreed that if "nothing has happened" six months after my last miscarriage, we will start going for adoption.
Details are yet to be worked out. Will "nothing" include another early miscarriage? Will we go with the agency we visited, or think about concurrency (where you foster a very young child and then if they don't get reunited with their birth parents- which does not happen 90% of the time - you adopt them)? The concurrency agency is quite a long way away - there are only about 4 in the country - and we might have to twist their arm to get them to consider us. We'll see.
A radio programme
This is a BBC Radio 4 programme about miscarriage that I suspect will only be up till Monday 26th June, as usually they keep them up for a week.
I'm putting this post up before an actual text one so if the programme expires, but I don't get round to updating, you won't have to keep looking at it.
I'm putting this post up before an actual text one so if the programme expires, but I don't get round to updating, you won't have to keep looking at it.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Pro-cras-tin-a-shun
I'm a university lecturer, and we've been on "strike" (a boycott of assessment activities - at the busiest time of year for assessment) - no marking. So now that our strike has ended, I have a huge pile of marking to do. You, gentle reader, are very lucky.
I had my next (maybe final) gynae appointment today, and went along with as usual a long list of things to ask. I forgot to put one thing on it, and I didn't sleep well last night, so not surprisingly I forgot to ask about it. But it is not fertility related*, and this is what she said about the fertility things:
My FSH level is 7. Not hopeless, but not as good as it could be (it seems that 2-6 is "excellent" and 6-9 is "good"), and another reminder that I don't have forever to do this pregnancy thing. So I didn't really need the gynae to tell me "it all gets harder after you're 40".
She's redoing the "online" clotting tests (the ones that measure actual levels of substance in your blood, rather than the ones that test for a gene mutation, which is not going to change). She also arranged for a test for the MTHFR mutation- she hadn't heard of it but the fact that it's in a book by the miscarriage guru lady in London, rather than off-a-random-website, made her take it seriously. But given that apparently a third of people have the mutation, there must be a lot of people who get and stay pregnant just fine with it.
She's referring me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic - the local one - the only thing I can find in the London clinic's book that I don't know if they do is the real-time clotting test (how fast does your blood clot in actual fact) and if they don't, I'll try and arrange for it to be done privately. She also said that, if I get pregnant again but have not yet had a diagnosis of a clotting factor, then it would do absolutely no harm to take low-dose aspirin. I am not sure if I'll extend this to "it will do no harm to take it during the second half of the cycle every month". I'm tempted.
And she said when we have some answers from the miscarriage clinic, IUI might make sense, and can be done at a fairly local hospital (1/2 hour away) with good results.
So reproductively I feel as if I've had a few answers. But parenting-wise, I'm not sure. If I knew we could not get (or stay) pregnant, I would want to go for adoption as soon as possible. But will I ever know that?
*it is a Barthelin cyst, and no, you don't want to know what it is.
I had my next (maybe final) gynae appointment today, and went along with as usual a long list of things to ask. I forgot to put one thing on it, and I didn't sleep well last night, so not surprisingly I forgot to ask about it. But it is not fertility related*, and this is what she said about the fertility things:
My FSH level is 7. Not hopeless, but not as good as it could be (it seems that 2-6 is "excellent" and 6-9 is "good"), and another reminder that I don't have forever to do this pregnancy thing. So I didn't really need the gynae to tell me "it all gets harder after you're 40".
She's redoing the "online" clotting tests (the ones that measure actual levels of substance in your blood, rather than the ones that test for a gene mutation, which is not going to change). She also arranged for a test for the MTHFR mutation- she hadn't heard of it but the fact that it's in a book by the miscarriage guru lady in London, rather than off-a-random-website, made her take it seriously. But given that apparently a third of people have the mutation, there must be a lot of people who get and stay pregnant just fine with it.
She's referring me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic - the local one - the only thing I can find in the London clinic's book that I don't know if they do is the real-time clotting test (how fast does your blood clot in actual fact) and if they don't, I'll try and arrange for it to be done privately. She also said that, if I get pregnant again but have not yet had a diagnosis of a clotting factor, then it would do absolutely no harm to take low-dose aspirin. I am not sure if I'll extend this to "it will do no harm to take it during the second half of the cycle every month". I'm tempted.
And she said when we have some answers from the miscarriage clinic, IUI might make sense, and can be done at a fairly local hospital (1/2 hour away) with good results.
So reproductively I feel as if I've had a few answers. But parenting-wise, I'm not sure. If I knew we could not get (or stay) pregnant, I would want to go for adoption as soon as possible. But will I ever know that?
*it is a Barthelin cyst, and no, you don't want to know what it is.
Monday, May 29, 2006
Not a good day
It is a bank holiday, but we don't get the May bank holidays. Mr Spouse does, so he is at home, not working, while I am at home working. And I have got my period. I am not going to be a mother before I am 40; this was my last chance.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Torn...
For once I'm not entirely sure I would be happy if I was pregnant this month. It is possible, and my good friend A got pregnant with her daughter without skipping a cycle after a much later miscarriage; and another friend in pre-pregnancy-test-in-everyone's-drawer days "thinks" she had a miscarriage at 5 weeks the month before her daughter was born. But I am wondering if I need a rest. This did not stop us from trying, however.
And of course I'm not sure I'll be happy if I'm not, because I will worry I'm broken again, that was a fluke, we are not going to get pregnant. But I imagine I'll know by tomorrow, or Monday at the latest. An ovulation stick (actually my cheat's version, the sticks from the mega expensive Clearblue monitor, which are themselves cheaper than normal ovulation thingys) suggested my period will be due tomorrow; and a (proper, pricey, non-cheapo internet job) test was negative yesterday (I couldn't resist, OK? I'm addicted to peeing on sticks. If I had waited perhaps I would have been too late to do it...). I have no real clue symptoms-wise as, unlike DoctorMama even my 10-week pregnancy seems to have made my uterus cramp before every period.
Next steps are the gynae appointment in 2 weeks' time at which I think we will ask for referral to the nearer, less snazzy clinic, and I think they will see us in about a month, before which time we may well have some of the tests either repeated or done for the first time through the local hospital. I think there will be more clotting tests than have been done, and I'm going to ask that the ones that were done before could be repeated (apart from the genetic ones, which aren't going to vary). There will also be chromosomal tests for both of us, and I imagine a proper ultrasound of my uterus. If we find there is anything they can't or won't do, but that is done at the further, more snazzy clinic, we'll get it done privately.
Incidentally, does anyone have a recommendation for a free invisible counter? goodcouter.com was doing me very well but seems to have been broken for the last week or more.
And of course I'm not sure I'll be happy if I'm not, because I will worry I'm broken again, that was a fluke, we are not going to get pregnant. But I imagine I'll know by tomorrow, or Monday at the latest. An ovulation stick (actually my cheat's version, the sticks from the mega expensive Clearblue monitor, which are themselves cheaper than normal ovulation thingys) suggested my period will be due tomorrow; and a (proper, pricey, non-cheapo internet job) test was negative yesterday (I couldn't resist, OK? I'm addicted to peeing on sticks. If I had waited perhaps I would have been too late to do it...). I have no real clue symptoms-wise as, unlike DoctorMama even my 10-week pregnancy seems to have made my uterus cramp before every period.
Next steps are the gynae appointment in 2 weeks' time at which I think we will ask for referral to the nearer, less snazzy clinic, and I think they will see us in about a month, before which time we may well have some of the tests either repeated or done for the first time through the local hospital. I think there will be more clotting tests than have been done, and I'm going to ask that the ones that were done before could be repeated (apart from the genetic ones, which aren't going to vary). There will also be chromosomal tests for both of us, and I imagine a proper ultrasound of my uterus. If we find there is anything they can't or won't do, but that is done at the further, more snazzy clinic, we'll get it done privately.
Incidentally, does anyone have a recommendation for a free invisible counter? goodcouter.com was doing me very well but seems to have been broken for the last week or more.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Yes, I do really want to have children, really, I do
I was away with Brownies last night, the only leader for our group - and one girl with a chest infection and asthma kept me awake coughing (I was awake longer than she was!) for almost the whole night. While sitting on her bed at 3am surfing on my PDA I was desperately longing for someone else to take a shift...
Other news from the Spousehold (and I promise not to use that again): we went to the open evening from the private (charity) adoption agency and both of us came away feeling more positive: they did not, like the local authority, seem to totally rule us out because of Mr. Spouse’s age - both of our ages would be taken into account, I am plenty young to be approved for under-5s, and although we might lose out in a “competition” for a child or children because of our age, we could also have something to give that others could not – I suspect my experience would help, but if we were willing to take a sibling group, that would also help a lot.
Under 5s are definitely around, and if you take two siblings at once, it has the advantage that a) they will have each other (with my family’s emphasis on biological kinship, this would be a positive thing, too) and b) the younger one will definitely be quite young, and the older one could be fairly young too as not everyone will take siblings. And Mr. Spouse, after hearing about the adoption process (which sounds a lot like our very intensive marriage preparation weekend, but more drawn out) and that one would have to go through some of it again for a second adoption, seemed to also become more positive about the idea of going for siblings. He is the one feeling the clock ticking on adoption, and doesn’t want to do the whole process once aged Old and then again aged Old Plus 3; he is an only child, sees no problem with having just the one, but is open to the idea of more than one.
I was predictably moist-eyed over Children Who Wait and Be My Parent; these were old issues, but one not so old that I can’t help wondering if one pair would still be in there if we started the process later this year, and also one set was very appealing in a car-crash kind of way, to be honest; six lovely sisters, from the same town where my mother used to do home tuition for children who had been excluded from school, and who my mother no doubt would be able to identify at least by reputation, as it’s one of those kinds of towns.
Mr. Spouse is very keen for me to cancel the IVF open evening. I haven’t yet, unfortunately the one we have booked is the day before my next gynae appointment or I would wait for that to make a decision. The next one we are away, I have cancelled one already, but I guess if we decided to go for it we could just book a (moderately expensive) initial appointment rather than go to the (free) open day, but not have to wait. He is more convinced it would be pointless, I wonder about balanced translocations and PGS. But the former is very rare and the latter doesn’t seem to lower the miscarriage rate to a major degree.
A bit of a long post, but we are going to see the gynae in a couple of weeks’ time, before she’ll refer me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic. I probably have the choice of clinics, one of which seems to have more of an emphasis on clotting problems, as they do more tests, and which is further away, but which does not believe in NK cells, and one of which is closer and is doing a clinical trial on NK cells, but I might not be eligible for the trial anyway being a little overweight and it involving steroids. So that’s a dilemma… the first one has a very good reputation, but the word on the street (or rather, on the babydust-infested but UK-system-oriented message boards) is that the second is pretty friendly and welcoming, too.
Other news from the Spousehold (and I promise not to use that again): we went to the open evening from the private (charity) adoption agency and both of us came away feeling more positive: they did not, like the local authority, seem to totally rule us out because of Mr. Spouse’s age - both of our ages would be taken into account, I am plenty young to be approved for under-5s, and although we might lose out in a “competition” for a child or children because of our age, we could also have something to give that others could not – I suspect my experience would help, but if we were willing to take a sibling group, that would also help a lot.
Under 5s are definitely around, and if you take two siblings at once, it has the advantage that a) they will have each other (with my family’s emphasis on biological kinship, this would be a positive thing, too) and b) the younger one will definitely be quite young, and the older one could be fairly young too as not everyone will take siblings. And Mr. Spouse, after hearing about the adoption process (which sounds a lot like our very intensive marriage preparation weekend, but more drawn out) and that one would have to go through some of it again for a second adoption, seemed to also become more positive about the idea of going for siblings. He is the one feeling the clock ticking on adoption, and doesn’t want to do the whole process once aged Old and then again aged Old Plus 3; he is an only child, sees no problem with having just the one, but is open to the idea of more than one.
I was predictably moist-eyed over Children Who Wait and Be My Parent; these were old issues, but one not so old that I can’t help wondering if one pair would still be in there if we started the process later this year, and also one set was very appealing in a car-crash kind of way, to be honest; six lovely sisters, from the same town where my mother used to do home tuition for children who had been excluded from school, and who my mother no doubt would be able to identify at least by reputation, as it’s one of those kinds of towns.
Mr. Spouse is very keen for me to cancel the IVF open evening. I haven’t yet, unfortunately the one we have booked is the day before my next gynae appointment or I would wait for that to make a decision. The next one we are away, I have cancelled one already, but I guess if we decided to go for it we could just book a (moderately expensive) initial appointment rather than go to the (free) open day, but not have to wait. He is more convinced it would be pointless, I wonder about balanced translocations and PGS. But the former is very rare and the latter doesn’t seem to lower the miscarriage rate to a major degree.
A bit of a long post, but we are going to see the gynae in a couple of weeks’ time, before she’ll refer me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic. I probably have the choice of clinics, one of which seems to have more of an emphasis on clotting problems, as they do more tests, and which is further away, but which does not believe in NK cells, and one of which is closer and is doing a clinical trial on NK cells, but I might not be eligible for the trial anyway being a little overweight and it involving steroids. So that’s a dilemma… the first one has a very good reputation, but the word on the street (or rather, on the babydust-infested but UK-system-oriented message boards) is that the second is pretty friendly and welcoming, too.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
It's four a.m...
and I can't sleep...
I started helping with Brownies in January, it's on a Friday night, and it's fun. But I'm not sure I can carry on, not with that group. There are a number of issues, some convenience (the Friday thing, which is starting to irritate Mr Spouse), some personal (not relevant here), but one crucially relevant: the baby.
I am pretty certain it's this miscarriage which has brought back feelings of the previous one, and feelings of NigelandDelia. I know it has for Mr Spouse too. This was the first week I saw little S, one of the leader's babies, after this miscarriage, and the first time I really clicked that she is very close in age to what they should have been. Perhaps because there is a month or two difference, but as she gets older this will be less and less significant. I know this is going to continue. If it wasn't for this, I think I would have asked to change groups anyway, but I'm just happy I managed to hold it together in the meeting, and that Mr Spouse found me a quiet bench on our way out to dinner for my meltdown.
I started helping with Brownies in January, it's on a Friday night, and it's fun. But I'm not sure I can carry on, not with that group. There are a number of issues, some convenience (the Friday thing, which is starting to irritate Mr Spouse), some personal (not relevant here), but one crucially relevant: the baby.
I am pretty certain it's this miscarriage which has brought back feelings of the previous one, and feelings of NigelandDelia. I know it has for Mr Spouse too. This was the first week I saw little S, one of the leader's babies, after this miscarriage, and the first time I really clicked that she is very close in age to what they should have been. Perhaps because there is a month or two difference, but as she gets older this will be less and less significant. I know this is going to continue. If it wasn't for this, I think I would have asked to change groups anyway, but I'm just happy I managed to hold it together in the meeting, and that Mr Spouse found me a quiet bench on our way out to dinner for my meltdown.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Where we are at...
Not sure, really...
My theoretical return to work (in fact, return to my desk in my study at home, looking at work files rather than blogs) coincided with a major rush and panic on a grant application, fraught with inter-country politics, and due yesterday. We got it in, but not without a long-suffering research administrator working long hours and an international collaborator taking his ball home.
I did actually go into the office yesterday but reserved the right to come over all feeble and work at home today. Which I am doing.
Colleagues that I have told have been sympathetic - I felt like a bit of a wimp when I had to tell one very nice man that my miscarriage was at just over 5 weeks - his partner had two, one at 12 and one at 16, I think between their two children (she was told to lie in bed for a month with the next pregnancy, but this was 20 years ago!). But he said this was the worst time they'd been through, even including the death of two elderly parents in the last couple of years. I also told another colleague, who I didn't know at the time of the first miscarriage, about both of them. I think this may change the dynamic between us a bit - she comes across as someone who really doesn't want kids, and almost resents talk of them, although she is generally a lovely person.
New feelings have been raised, oddly by the pregnancy as well as by the miscarriage. When I found out I was pregnant, we had these two upcoming information evenings booked; I actually felt sad that I might not now need to adopt, but we had decided to go to both anyway "just in case". At my lowest point, when I knew I was miscarrying, I sobbed to Mr Spouse that I would never have a baby and he said "yes you will, it just might not come from your tummy". And that made me feel sad too - so I'm not sure what I want.
I guess I might want one or more children that are lovely little clones of me and Mr Spouse and who are gloriously bright and musical and calm and well-adjusted (all the good parts of both of us and none of our faults, of course, and guaranteed no developmental issues), as well as one or more children who are slightly more problematic, but who were "chosen" for us, or vice versa, in a very human sense.
I had an email from a friend in the US who had been told "well, you know, if you adopt you are guaranteed to get a baby" (by an adoption counsellor, so although the counsellor may be stretching the truth a little, she is probably not completely making it up). Perhaps this is true in the USA, if you wait long enough. Here, it is not, although most people give up rather than being given up on; and it is not very likely that one would get a newborn, although that is not too crucial for us, personally I'd like to go for an older baby or toddler and Mr Spouse is starting to come round to that idea, too, I think.
I have also been reading other US blogs where people seem to be going for IVF and adoption at the same time; another thing that wouldn't happen here. IVF seems a bit pointless at this stage, unless it turns out we have a balanced translocation or something like that, but I don't want to give up on pregnancy without knowing if there is something treatable we can find that might be causing the miscarriages. And I don't think we could have those investigations, and pursue adoption, either.
Anyway, I'm going to go and have some lunch, and go into town and do a little shopping. I am aware that I am at risk of getting depressed, especially when I catch myself afraid of going into town, partly because of the people, and partly because I think someone will spot me and say "you aren't sick". And that means I really, really need to get out of the house and get a little exercise.
My theoretical return to work (in fact, return to my desk in my study at home, looking at work files rather than blogs) coincided with a major rush and panic on a grant application, fraught with inter-country politics, and due yesterday. We got it in, but not without a long-suffering research administrator working long hours and an international collaborator taking his ball home.
I did actually go into the office yesterday but reserved the right to come over all feeble and work at home today. Which I am doing.
Colleagues that I have told have been sympathetic - I felt like a bit of a wimp when I had to tell one very nice man that my miscarriage was at just over 5 weeks - his partner had two, one at 12 and one at 16, I think between their two children (she was told to lie in bed for a month with the next pregnancy, but this was 20 years ago!). But he said this was the worst time they'd been through, even including the death of two elderly parents in the last couple of years. I also told another colleague, who I didn't know at the time of the first miscarriage, about both of them. I think this may change the dynamic between us a bit - she comes across as someone who really doesn't want kids, and almost resents talk of them, although she is generally a lovely person.
New feelings have been raised, oddly by the pregnancy as well as by the miscarriage. When I found out I was pregnant, we had these two upcoming information evenings booked; I actually felt sad that I might not now need to adopt, but we had decided to go to both anyway "just in case". At my lowest point, when I knew I was miscarrying, I sobbed to Mr Spouse that I would never have a baby and he said "yes you will, it just might not come from your tummy". And that made me feel sad too - so I'm not sure what I want.
I guess I might want one or more children that are lovely little clones of me and Mr Spouse and who are gloriously bright and musical and calm and well-adjusted (all the good parts of both of us and none of our faults, of course, and guaranteed no developmental issues), as well as one or more children who are slightly more problematic, but who were "chosen" for us, or vice versa, in a very human sense.
I had an email from a friend in the US who had been told "well, you know, if you adopt you are guaranteed to get a baby" (by an adoption counsellor, so although the counsellor may be stretching the truth a little, she is probably not completely making it up). Perhaps this is true in the USA, if you wait long enough. Here, it is not, although most people give up rather than being given up on; and it is not very likely that one would get a newborn, although that is not too crucial for us, personally I'd like to go for an older baby or toddler and Mr Spouse is starting to come round to that idea, too, I think.
I have also been reading other US blogs where people seem to be going for IVF and adoption at the same time; another thing that wouldn't happen here. IVF seems a bit pointless at this stage, unless it turns out we have a balanced translocation or something like that, but I don't want to give up on pregnancy without knowing if there is something treatable we can find that might be causing the miscarriages. And I don't think we could have those investigations, and pursue adoption, either.
Anyway, I'm going to go and have some lunch, and go into town and do a little shopping. I am aware that I am at risk of getting depressed, especially when I catch myself afraid of going into town, partly because of the people, and partly because I think someone will spot me and say "you aren't sick". And that means I really, really need to get out of the house and get a little exercise.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
When a friend has a miscarriage
I just found this and thought it was quite good - I've seen other similar things in the past, although they are good to find, I'm not sure how one would give these to ones friends and family. Hello, people, you know I've had a miscarriage but really, you aren't being that sensitive, here's something to teach you how.
Did you know...
it is possible to have your bladder too full for an ultrasound? I was sent away to pee before my scan this afternoon. And I was very mean and didn't tell the Scan Man that there was no more loo roll after me.
Saw the GP this morning (declining the receptionist's suggestion of a telephone consultation yesterday, when I would have been on the train. No, I don't feel like discussing my miscarriage in a crowded train carriage. Funny, that) and he said that, although it was up to me, he would really recommend having an ultrasound. I guess part of me still had a tiny bit of hope, but I knew it was pointless thinking like that and that knowing I was going to have the scan would just get my hopes up. But fortunately I got an appointment for this afternoon and managed to take my mind off it by doing some gardening (at least my tomato plants are growing). The GP also seemed surprised that the pregnancy test I did yesterday would have been negative already, but it didn't surprise me, as I stopped feeling pregnant at the weekend.
So having drunk loads, and walked to the hospital, and waited half an hour (I was early, they were late), I found out there was nothing in there - which is better than the worst that could have happened i.e. that I would need to have an EPRC.
I'm still feeling pretty exhausted, sleeping a lot, and the GP says if I need to be signed off next week just to call; I have a grant application a nervous student needs to submit by Wednesday but I have sorted it out so I can do it from home if necessary, I think. I would dearly love to reduce my workload long-term but don't really see how - the parts of my job that are flexible are those that I like, and those that get me long-term promotion prospects. We have a moderately generous holiday allowance but it's not huge, and I already take it all as it's almost exactly the same as Mr Spouse's, and he always tries to take as much as he can.
Last time I came home from the hospital after my miscarriage to find a book on pregnancy had arrived from Amazon. This time I have had several items of nicely snug clothing arrive, due to some rather delayed mail-order and Ebay purchases which came while we were away. For our anniversary on Monday Mr Spouse and I chose a selection of possible cotton items for ourselves from the Boden catalogue and ordered them for each other without looking at the checkout page, if you have any idea what I mean. So I now have a nice new blue dress to wear to a wedding in a week's time.
I don't feel good. But I don't feel dead, either. I'll ring the gynae tomorrow to arrange a referral to the recurrent miscarriage people. I don't know where they do their standard referral to, but there are two clinics within a couple of hours of here, and if it's the same place they send IVF people to, I'm going to ask for it to be somewhere else, as it's a 2 hour drive.
Saw the GP this morning (declining the receptionist's suggestion of a telephone consultation yesterday, when I would have been on the train. No, I don't feel like discussing my miscarriage in a crowded train carriage. Funny, that) and he said that, although it was up to me, he would really recommend having an ultrasound. I guess part of me still had a tiny bit of hope, but I knew it was pointless thinking like that and that knowing I was going to have the scan would just get my hopes up. But fortunately I got an appointment for this afternoon and managed to take my mind off it by doing some gardening (at least my tomato plants are growing). The GP also seemed surprised that the pregnancy test I did yesterday would have been negative already, but it didn't surprise me, as I stopped feeling pregnant at the weekend.
So having drunk loads, and walked to the hospital, and waited half an hour (I was early, they were late), I found out there was nothing in there - which is better than the worst that could have happened i.e. that I would need to have an EPRC.
I'm still feeling pretty exhausted, sleeping a lot, and the GP says if I need to be signed off next week just to call; I have a grant application a nervous student needs to submit by Wednesday but I have sorted it out so I can do it from home if necessary, I think. I would dearly love to reduce my workload long-term but don't really see how - the parts of my job that are flexible are those that I like, and those that get me long-term promotion prospects. We have a moderately generous holiday allowance but it's not huge, and I already take it all as it's almost exactly the same as Mr Spouse's, and he always tries to take as much as he can.
Last time I came home from the hospital after my miscarriage to find a book on pregnancy had arrived from Amazon. This time I have had several items of nicely snug clothing arrive, due to some rather delayed mail-order and Ebay purchases which came while we were away. For our anniversary on Monday Mr Spouse and I chose a selection of possible cotton items for ourselves from the Boden catalogue and ordered them for each other without looking at the checkout page, if you have any idea what I mean. So I now have a nice new blue dress to wear to a wedding in a week's time.
I don't feel good. But I don't feel dead, either. I'll ring the gynae tomorrow to arrange a referral to the recurrent miscarriage people. I don't know where they do their standard referral to, but there are two clinics within a couple of hours of here, and if it's the same place they send IVF people to, I'm going to ask for it to be somewhere else, as it's a 2 hour drive.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
That seems to be that...
I bled much worse yesterday, and in fact my breasts were much less sore and swollen even when I woke up yesterday. A load of clots last night, and that seems to be it, it has eased off now. I am very tired and pretty numb, but not in floods of tears or anything. I've been taking my mind off it by knitting a little dress for my new niece who, ironically, arrived on Monday. I had already been making something for her older sister, and while I was making that, I had the audacity to think perhaps they could pass it back to our children when they are done.
My new niece has been given my mother's middle name as her first name. I like the name (although my mother normally doesn't own up to it, and is cross that she will have to now), as well as my mother's first name, and the combination was her maternal grandmother's name too. I had always thought I'd give my daughter the pair of names. I am grateful to my brother - though I doubt it was conscious - that he has not taken her first name for his own daughter. There may be a gap but there won't be another cousin with her name.
I dithered on Friday afternoon about ringing the consultant's secretary, for too long, so they were closed. The options on Saturday were then A&E, the GP out of hours service, or the ward where I had the other miscarriage. I rang the ward in the end, and I was glad I had - they told me I could come in if the bleeding or the pain were too bad to cope with, but need not do so if I didn't want to, and should make an appointment with my GP next week, and he would organise a scan. I don't think I want a scan unless they deem it medically necessary as I am sure it's all over, and the lack of a sac just means it was too early for one, not that I haven't got rid of all the material that was there.
What now? Well, it's our anniversary tomorrow, ironically. We have a hotel booked, so I may as well feel tired and miserable there, then Mr Spouse is off for a couple of days for work, and both the hotel and his work are near my mother's (they are also near Big Scary Department where I was supposed to be giving a talk on Tuesday), so I'll go there for a bit of TLC. Then I guess, working out who to tell about this (and who to tell there may have been a third, also), getting a referral to an official miscarriage clinic, and working out if there is much point in trying to get pregnant again.
My new niece has been given my mother's middle name as her first name. I like the name (although my mother normally doesn't own up to it, and is cross that she will have to now), as well as my mother's first name, and the combination was her maternal grandmother's name too. I had always thought I'd give my daughter the pair of names. I am grateful to my brother - though I doubt it was conscious - that he has not taken her first name for his own daughter. There may be a gap but there won't be another cousin with her name.
I dithered on Friday afternoon about ringing the consultant's secretary, for too long, so they were closed. The options on Saturday were then A&E, the GP out of hours service, or the ward where I had the other miscarriage. I rang the ward in the end, and I was glad I had - they told me I could come in if the bleeding or the pain were too bad to cope with, but need not do so if I didn't want to, and should make an appointment with my GP next week, and he would organise a scan. I don't think I want a scan unless they deem it medically necessary as I am sure it's all over, and the lack of a sac just means it was too early for one, not that I haven't got rid of all the material that was there.
What now? Well, it's our anniversary tomorrow, ironically. We have a hotel booked, so I may as well feel tired and miserable there, then Mr Spouse is off for a couple of days for work, and both the hotel and his work are near my mother's (they are also near Big Scary Department where I was supposed to be giving a talk on Tuesday), so I'll go there for a bit of TLC. Then I guess, working out who to tell about this (and who to tell there may have been a third, also), getting a referral to an official miscarriage clinic, and working out if there is much point in trying to get pregnant again.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Not good
I've started bleeding - not enough yet that I'm sure everything's gone, but it certainly isn't getting better, and it seems to be getting worse. I came home from work a couple of hours ago, and had to stop and get some pads on the way home. I also have dull, general aches rather than the twinges that I've had up till now.
I think I am going to go and lie down and feel sad now. We are supposed to be going away for the weekend, as it's our anniversary, so I don't know if that will happen either.
I think I am going to go and lie down and feel sad now. We are supposed to be going away for the weekend, as it's our anniversary, so I don't know if that will happen either.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Hurrah for the busy woman!
When I was in hospital having my lap and dye, the nurses were commenting on the gynae, and I think someone made the classic comment "if you want something done, ask a busy woman". So, rather than going to my fairly-sympathetic-but-hardly-any-clinics-and-doesn't-see-the-point-of- early-scans-you-could-lose-it-after-the-scan-anyway male GP, I decided to entrust my anxiety to the gynae's secretary, who rang me back (on my mobile, while I was having lunch with a friend who only knows there have been "hospital appointments" and "an operation", so I'm glad she didn't want any more details over the phone). And I'm going to have a scan in 2 weeks' time. 7 weeks is probably good as I know you can sometimes see a heartbeat at 6, but not seeing one then is not bad. I may have to go on my own, I have just realised - Mr Spouse will be away a couple of days that week. Hmm. Perhaps his boss can be persuaded he doesn't need him on that trip. What if I went and there was no heartbeat and I was on my own? What if I went and saw a heartbeat on my own and then next time there wasn't one and he never got to see it? But I don't think he'll want to go to bi-weekly scans, if I have them, to be honest... Dilemma.
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