tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17484123.post116094874623376339..comments2023-06-16T15:34:17.970+01:00Comments on What am I?: Some good, some not so goodDrSpousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07259337858075146058noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17484123.post-1161167736648284322006-10-18T11:35:00.000+01:002006-10-18T11:35:00.000+01:00Parents can sometimes say the most hurtful, ill-th...Parents can sometimes say the most hurtful, ill-thught out things without realising what they're doing. I think it mostly boils down to them voicing their fears out loud, using their nearest and dearest (ie -their children) as sounding boards. I wonder if your mother woud make comments to a total stranger. I suppose that your children's children are actually very closely related, and that many people like to relive their own parenting experience through their grandchildren. She is anticipating never being able to say "ooh, she has her aunt's eyes!" and it is freaking her out. I reckon she will settle in time. <BR/><BR/>Also, there are children available for adoption in the UK who do not have health or behaviour problems. A set of friends, thinking there was no chance of adoption, sought fostering of teenagers, and were instead encouraged to adopt a two-year old (a seventh child of a woman with known poor parening skills, he'd been taken away at birth) with no problems who'd spent his whole life with the same foster parents. It is possible. Good luck.ehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13804747268326860662noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17484123.post-1161116840128881192006-10-17T21:27:00.000+01:002006-10-17T21:27:00.000+01:00My parents would have been exactly the same, and e...My parents would have been exactly the same, and even more dismissive of adoptions from China (human traffic!!!!), so I wasn't looking forward to that long hard slog at all. My sympathies - this is tough.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17484123.post-1161103824640714802006-10-17T17:50:00.000+01:002006-10-17T17:50:00.000+01:00Well, all I can say is that you and your husband w...Well, all I can say is that you and your husband would be the parents, not your mother.<BR/><BR/>As to the nature vs. nurture debate, its all statistical. It means NOTHING unless you are planning on having a large sample size (like say 10,000 genetic children and then 10,000 adopted children). And there is always the reversion to the norm.<BR/><BR/>I also have to say that the intellectuals I have known do not form a one-to-one mapping with the most intelligent people I have known. Having the dedication and political skills to thrive in academia is not a sufficient condition for great intelligence (neither is having any number of degrees).<BR/><BR/>I also think it's a little sad if a requirement for a child is that they are leading the cohort in intelligence. I don't know that my son is going to be any great intellect and I wouldn't trade him for any number of very bright kids (what my son does have is enormous empathy and a great sense of humor). <BR/><BR/>If a person can't find something to love in a child (any child) then its a statement about that person, not the child.<BR/><BR/>Okay, I will get off my soap box - unless you'd like to give me your mother's phone number?<BR/><BR/>DinoDDinosaurDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16985959777790987938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17484123.post-1161004545900198302006-10-16T14:15:00.000+01:002006-10-16T14:15:00.000+01:00Well, at least you've got a bunch of supportive fr...Well, at least you've got a bunch of supportive friends, that's something to hang on to. <BR/><BR/>Re your mother, I don't really know what to say. It utterly sucks, and it's incomprehensible that she can't put aside her prejudices and be happy for you. Maybe it will take time, I'm wondering if there's anything like PFLAG for adoptive parenting (parents and friends of lesbians and gays - their logic is that once your child comes out to you it's easier to talk to another parent than to your child about your sadness/anger etc.). Yes, sorry I am kidding about the PFLAG thing but only partially. Does she know anyone with an adoptive family? Can you find one for her? <BR/><BR/>The genetic thing is tough, especialy since I've just been reading a book that tries to show that even more traits are inherited than previously thought. But you've been through this and you know how YOU feel, and in the end it's YOU who is going to parent your children. I just hope she comes round.Thaliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12125639207843989848noreply@blogger.com